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Thread: oh dear old skool anthemz big brother

  1. #1

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    oh dear old skool anthemz big brother

    IT'S HERE ARF,ARF

    right, anyone who's in this has proved over the months/years. that simply they can take a a laugh and i reckon is the BEST quality you can have in life so take this as a backhanded compliment.OKAY.lets not get worked up or upset over it as it;s the internet and NOT i repeat NOT real life.this does not have any bearing on real life. OKAY.(if anyone tells you it does, then there not plugged in, and you can trust me on that) do not take any of this to heart. even i make a cameo appearence in it and it's less than flattering.

    que the voice of davinia mccall
    "well helllo fans, and welcome to the first annual old skool anthemz big brother. now you've met me, lets meet the contestants and get on with the show."

    Grad - Early 30's and Leyther. Self acclaimed intellectual of the bunch. University educated and from the posh part of Leigh(is there any?)

    Shooms - EArly 30's This big strapping brummie works "darn sarf" and is rumoured to like a pie and a pint.

    Superfreak - Late 20's EArly 30's Professiional Scouser and fond of "dressing up"

    Cam - Early 30's - Was once meant to be a bit of a "mover and a shaker" some years back in his native Wigan, is now a sodden old cider lush residing somewhere in the North of Scotland. Hobbies include Drinking and Stooling when drunk.

    Johnny Pink - Mid 20's and Warrigtonian, rumoured not to be aware of which side his bread is buttered yet.

    Miss Tickle - Mid 20's - Professional left winger. notes chaining herself to Greenham Common fences and smuggling in Latvian asylum seekers as her main hobbies in life.

    Steadman Scott - Mid Teens - The baby of the bunch, is about to sit his GCSE's in Home Economics and Woodwork. First time away from home on his own.

    Sirius - mid 20's The loner of the group. Lists right wing politics,training shoes and masturbating over internet porn as his main hobbies

    Valentinadobe - late 20's Former girlfriend of well known DJ. Rumoured to be a bit of a goer and it is also rumoured that she has been strategically placed in the show by the producers to add a bit of "spice" to it. Bookies favourite to go all the way.

    AB45 - mid 60's the elder statesman of the group and essex wide boy. . is that old he can remember when cockneys went to sarfend for their hols instead of living there.

    Akinwale Arobieke age unknown(Purple Acky) - Tall,Dark,Menacing. of nigerian extraction. akinwale states that he would prefer not to reveal what his "hobbies" are at this stage.

    Are you ready? arf,arf,arf

    Days 1 - 5 coming before the weekend. I promise this time.

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by WAFC
    Akinwale Arobieke age unknown(Purple Acky) - Tall,Dark,Menacing. of nigerian extraction.

    quality start fella

    Looking forward to this

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by WAFC
    Johnny Pink - Mid 20's and Warrigtonian, rumoured not to be aware of which side his bread is buttered yet.
    PMSL ! I just spat coffee @ me screen reading that...

    Its all true mind.... & just like Brian Dowling the smart money is on the sexually ambiguous one....

    PS My money is on Cam to go stircrazy in an Ahmed-geddon way close to the end of week 2 when he realises he cant live without his sad geeky LAN parties...

  4. #4

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    like it like it!!

    i vote that johnney pink will be jumping out of the closet more than once!!! and getting chased round the house by a big meathead that he just took the piss out off!!!
    It took me a while to find OLD SKOOL! But now i got it - i ain't letting it go!!!!


  5. #5

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    When i was in the navy i used to have a boat at Sarfend!....

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by WAFC

    Grad - Early 30's and Leyther. Self acclaimed intellectual of the bunch. University educated and from the posh part of Leigh(is there any?)
    self acclaimed? university educated? not moi...well i was for all of 6 months before being asked to leave...


    p.s lol @ steadman & acki

  7. #7

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    lol nice one wafc thank fuck im not in this one tho
    "here i go again its time to start my badness its funny somehow it seems ive had this same old summer maddness"

    "I've seen a rich man beg, I've seen a good man sin, I've seen a tough man cry, I've seen a loser win, And a sad man grin, I heard an honest man lie, I've seen the good side of bad, And the downside of up, And everything between, I licked the silver spoon, Drank from the golden cup, And smoked the finest green"

  8. #8

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    osa big brother

    Day 1

    Whilst Grad draws up a spreadsheet detailling the most efficient use of the weeks provisions Cam drinks the supply of alcahol and shooms eats the weeks supply of food. steadman remarks that shooms is a "fat git" Realising what he has done Cam desperately tries to fashion a distillery out of the immersion heater, the drainpipe and a bottle of pine flash and johnnypinks nail varnish remover. shooms remarks that the end result tastes just like blue aftershock. steadman takes one gulp and instantly vomits.

    Day 2
    Sirius is refusing to socialise with any of the other housemates, he is instead concentrating all his energies on cinstructing a scaled down model of the german reichstag using matchsticks and toothpaste. to do this he needs to use a weeks supply of both. miss tickle says she can help out with the matchsticks but shooms in his deperation has eaten the toothpaste.akinwale asks grad does he work out. grad replies to the contrary

    Day 3
    Valentina confides in Miss Tickle that she is prepared to sleep with one of the housemates for the reputed 100,000 on offer, in fact she states she will sleep with anyone,for free, just as long as it's "on camera"
    Superfreak and Johnnypink seem to be getting very friendly and have quickly formed a clique. steadman remarks that they seem to be spending a lot of the time in the toilets together but quickly puts this down to the castor oil that cam has added to the hooch. miss tickle and the slightly happier sirius are furiously debating something called politics. no one in the room has a clue what they are going on about.sirius gets very animated in his attempts to point out how important this is to all there lives. when evidence is provided to the contrary by ab45 a furious sirius storms off kicking his model of the reichstag over as he goes. akinwale attempts to feel grrads bicep and shooms is chasing a chicken round the yard in his desparion for something to eat.

    day 4
    steadman tells big brother he is worried about cams behaviour, he states that cam has taken to swaying to an imaginery beat and mumbling something about "i'm the president of the toilet" and "who's driving the taxi." he is at this moment laying strewn on the floor and has wet himself. steadman also expresses concern that shooms appears to be going to same way. miss tickle confides in valentina that she is attracted to sirius. she says it is his combat 18 tee shirt, cherry red dock martins and burlney suicide squad tattoos that do it for her. valentina states that she to is attracted to sirius but would not make the first move on him so as not not upset miss tickle, that is unless sirius made the first move on her or spoke to her or looked at her. steadman also tells big brother he is uncomfortable with akinwale in the room as he keeps staring at him.


    to be continued
    Last edited by WAFC; 10th November 2004 at 11:20 AM.

  9. #9

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    and

    This is fucking quality mate

  10. #10

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    osa big brother

    day 5
    The housemates are to perform a physical challenge in order for them to win more provisions. AB45 draws out a hopscotch using white dog poo. he says he will give anyone a game for a "minnie driver" no one in the house has a clue what he is on about.even grad who lived down south for a bit. Miss Tickle refuses to take part as outdoor physical activity may harm living insects. sirius is still sulking in his room, cam and shooms are to inhebriated to take part in any form of physical activity and Johnnypink and Superfreak state that they are off to partake in a physical activity of a different kind. Steadman looks suitabley confused. Valentina offers to show him what they mean so do jonnypink and superfreak. akinwale follows steadman to the bathroom and offers to soap his privates. steadman looks baffled but the bathroom door is locked anyway. shooms awakens from his drunken coma and is disgusted to find that the housemates have won no extra provisions.

    day 6
    Steadman awakens the house with a spirited rendition of "peace and harmony" when quizzed as to his high spirits by AB45 steadman gleefully informs him that his balls have finally dropped. Miss Tickle is upset as Sirius has rejected her advances. Valentina offers to sleep with her to make her feel better. Sirius is still sulking as Grad has used sirius's copy of "Bulldog" to wipe cam's faeces from the kitchen table. Cam awakens from his drunken slumbers and concocts his first mickey finn of the day as a livener.


    TO BE CONTINUED........

  11. #11

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    lol, some quality lines in there...buzzin off aki's antics...

    are there any evictions in this first week?

  12. #12

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    nah mate

    we'll have a bit of fun with some of the more "flamboyant" characters first before we start evicting. you just get this feeling that old acki's going to enjoy himself in here don't you.lol

  13. #13

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    This is quality, I think once its all sorted and out we need to delete all the inbetween posts so its just purely the OSA big brother all the way through and make light banter at the end

    well impressed WAFC this is indeed your finest work to date

    LMFAO at shooms eating the toothpaste lol

  14. #14

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    Quality
    Funniest post for ages

  15. #15

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    osa big brother

    day 7

    Valentina seems to be spending more and more time in the diary room. Steadman comments that he has heard "funny whining noises" coming from there. but quickly and confidently puts this down to the squeaky chair. Cam and shooms have now taken to sucking the liquid parts of their alcahol riddled vomit up through a straw in order to keep the buzz going. While Shooms taking it one step further has taken to devouring the lumpy bits for afters. Sirius still has not left his room not even for a change of underwear. AB45 is worried that his position on the "barside" at colchester will be taken,which he's held since 1914 and Grad is worrying that the dragons of Rubins will not take to him to kindly after his escapade on telly. Miss Tickle is still inconsolable after Sirius's knockback and Akinwale prowls on menacingly.
    FAncy Dress Day Tomorrow.

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