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Thread: roger mellys profanisaurus H to L

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jul 2001
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    ignorance is bliss...if only i was ignorant
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    roger mellys profanisaurus H to L

    H
    haddock pastie See hairy cheque book.
    hag n. Ugly woman; boiler; boot; steg; swamp donkey.
    hairy beanbags n. Pink 70s style seating provided within the underpants for the exclusive use of the bald man, Spurt Reynolds (qv), Kojak, Captain Picard etc.
    hairy cheque book See hairy cup.
    hairy cup See hairy donut.
    hairy donut See hairy lasso.
    hairy goblet n. Ceremonial love chalice as referred to in the popular chat-up line “Let me lead you to the altar of desire, and there I shall drink the juice of love from your hairy goblet”. Works every time.
    hairy mits rhym. slang Tits. e.g. “Look at the hairy mits on that! I could do her through a hedge backwards (qv)”.
    hairy lasso See hairy pants.
    hairy pants See hairy pie.
    hairy pie n. Kipper; velcro triangle.
    hairy saddlebags n. Scrots, usually, but also pissflaps.
    hairy toffee n. Dangleberries (qv); Kling-ons.
    half leapfrog v. To have sex in the doggies (qv) position.
    half rice half chips adj. Switch hitter (qv); one who drinks from both taps; bowls from both ends; AC/DC.
    hamburger n. Of the female anatomy, that which can be seen in a hamburger shot (qv).
    hamburger shot n. A rear view in a pornographic magazine from which the curtain drop (qv) can be estimated.
    ham fisted adj. Wanking. As in “His mum came in and caught him ham fisted”.
    ham howitzer n. A military field weapon descended from the lamb canon (qv).
    hammock n. Panty liner; jam rag; sanitary towel. Compare banana hammock, nork hammock.
    ham shank rhym. slang for a Barclays (qv).
    Hampton (Wick) rhym. slang Dick (the principle joke in ‘Carry On Henry’). Also to get your Hampton Court - an accident involving a zip.
    handful of sprats n. 1950s Fistful of fish fingers (qv).
    hand job n. Manual relief; one of the cheaper services available at the rub-a-tug shop (qv), or in the pub car park. Compare topless relief.
    hand shandy n. A frothy one, pulled off the wrist.
    hand solo n. A solitary hand shandy.
    hanging bacon See beef curtains, vertical bacon sandwich.
    hanging salad n. Wedding tackle (qv).
    hanky panky See slap and tickle.
    ha’penny n. Vagina.
    happy lamp n. Sixth gear stick. As in: “I’m horny (qv). Think I’ll give my happy lamp a quick buff”.
    happy sack n. Scrotum; hairy saddlebags.
    hard on n. Wood; a bone on; bonk on. Compare wide on.
    harlot n. Checkout girl at the rub-a-tug shop (qv).
    Harry (Monk) rhym. slang Spunk.
    have it off v. To get a bit (qv); have a portion (qv); give somebody one (qv).
    have the painters in v. To menstruate; be on the blob (qv) during rag week (qv).
    hawick (hoy-k) v. echoism To puke. After the Scottish border town. As in “I think I’m going to Hawick”.
    head n. Something which is given by women to men, and is afterwards described as “good” by the recipient when talking to friends.
    headlamps n. Bristols (qv). As in: “Phewf! I wouldn’t mind giving her head lamps a rub”. See other automotive parts spoilers, sixteen-valve, sixth gear stick.
    heave v. To vomit; launch a pavement pizza (qv); release a loud technicolour yawn (qv).
    heave a Havana v. Grow a tail; take a dump. See also bum cigar.
    hee 1. n. Thai Minge; hairy cheque book. 2. interj. One of a series of noises made by laughing gnomes/policemen.
    helicopters, attack of the n. Drunken rolling of the head; sudden reminder that you need to make an urgent call on the great white telephone. See talking on the great white telephone.
    helmet See bobbies helmet, Roman helmet rumba.
    Helmetdale n. A strong smelling, mature knob cheese (qv).
    helmet pelmet n. Foreskin; Kojak’s roll-neck.
    Herbie’s bonnet See beetle bonnet.
    Hershey highway n. US equivalent of Bourneville boulevard, Cadbury alley.
    Hershey highwayman n. Gentleman thief who shoots rusty sheriff’s badges (qv) with his mutton musket (qv).
    hickies n. Slapper-speak for love bites; shag tags.
    hide the salami n. A bed-time game for two players, one sausage and a hairy pie (qv). Also sink the salami, bury the bratwurst.
    high pressure vein cane n. Penis; prick; tally-whacker; Hector the meat injector.
    hipocrocadogapig n. The ultimate unattractive female; swamp donkey; steg, etc.
    hissing Sid n. The name of the one eyed trouser snake (qv).
    hitch-hiking under the big top v. Of wanking chariots (qv) and their owners, to shift into sixth gear; polish the tent pole.
    hitching to heaven v. More meaty hands to glans combat.
    Hitler tash n. Mapatasi (qv) or female pubic hair as neatly shaved to fit within the confines of a small bikini bottom.
    hit and miss rhym. slang Piss.
    hoeing the HP v. Uphill gardening (qv) on the brown sauce allotment.
    hockmagandy n. The one day of the year when Scotsmen shag their wives.
    hogans n. US Charlies; Gert Stonkers; Norma Snockers.
    hog’s eye n. The service hatch through which perseverance soup (qv) arrives.
    hole n. Ring; quoit; hoop.
    holiday money n. Male genitalia; family jewels; meat and two veg.
    homosexual n. A man or woman sexually attracted to members of his or her own sex. Often at bus stops. (From the Greek homos ecsuralos meaning ‘lifter of shirts’.)
    honey alter See honey pot.
    honeypot See hairy cheque book.
    honkies n. Good afternoons (qv).
    honk up See hoy up.
    hooker n. US Prostitute.
    hoop n. A ring; quoit.
    hoop stretcher n. In kitchens, one who hides the salami (qv) in the tea towel holder (qv).
    hootchie n. US Totty; blit; muff.
    hootchie cootchie See jig-a-jig.
    hooter n. Conk; neb.
    hooters n. Bazookas; baps.
    hop n. acronym Hang Over Poo. Giant, exceedingly loose stool, the noisy passing of which is a significant milestone in the recovery from a hang over. As in “Ahh! I feel much better after that hop. Anyone fancy a pint?”
    hop into the horse’s collar v. Nip to the cockwash (qv).
    horatio n. Posh Latin term used by doctors for oral sex on a man.
    horizontal horticulture n. Opposite of uphill gardening.
    horizontal jogging n. Heterosexual sexual intercourse.
    horizontally accessible adj. To describe a slag; bike; yo-yo knickers.
    horn n. Ceremonial symbol of a man’s affection for a woman, traditionally given by the woman to the man.
    horny (ha-woo-neh!!) adj. The state of a man whilst in possession of the horn (qv).
    horse’s doofers n. superlative Mutt’s nuts; dog’s bollocks; bees knees; donkey’s knob.
    horse’s head, sitting on a v. Of queues for the toilet, a more extreme case of the turtle’s head (qv). As in “Hurry up will you, I’m sitting on a horse’s head out here”.
    horses collar n. Vagina. Also sim. to imply generous proportions, as in “She’s got a fanny like a horse’s collar” (as opposed to a mouse’s ear). See also cathedral.
    hosebag n. Woman of loose morals. She with a fanny like a billposter’s bucket (qv).
    hose job See blow job.
    hose monster See hosebag.
    hot adj. Condition which, in conjunction with horny (qv), is often used to describe non-existent women waiting on the end of expensive telephone sex lines, e.g. “Hot and horny bitches thirsty for your love seed”.
    hot dog n. An egg delicacy - something of an acquired taste - famously enjoyed by the gay cult actor Divine. v. To eat said morsel, freshly laid. Egg as in dog egg.
    hot fish yoghurt n. Cream sauce filling for hairy pie (qv).
    hot lunch n. See Cleveland steamer. Or better still, don’t.
    hot meat injection See meat injection.
    hots n. Reciprocal gift for a girl after she’s given you the horn (qv).
    hotty n. US See Totty.
    hound n. Dog; steg; boiler.
    Howard’s Way rhym. slang Gay. From the shit BBC TV drama of the same name.
    how’s your father n. Sex. Often prefixed “ahem”. As in “Fancy a quick bit of... ahem... how’s your father?”
    hoy up v. To throw up; heave; barf; spew.
    huffle v. To bagpipe (qv). Robbie Burns, in 1066, wrote “Och! I shall huffle, and puffle, and blow your arm off”.
    hum 1. v. To ming; stink. 2. v. To sing with the lips closed, or as near to closed as possible during a hum job (qv).
    humdinger n. A fart which makes the wallpaper peel.
    hum job n. Vegetarian oral sex involving no meat, just two veg., accompanied by simultaneous humming of the musical variety.
    hummer n. Arse; bum.
    hump 1. v. To shag; have sex. (This term officially ceased to be popular slang in 1785). 2. v. To carry heavy amplification equipment to and from a live music venue whilst your arse sticks out the back of your jeans.
    humpty n. The act of humping (qv).
    hung like an Arab stallion adj. Donkey rigged; well endowed.
    hung like a Chinese mouse adj. Opposite of hung like an Arab stallion (qv).
    hungry arse n. Condition afflicting women in tight jeans whereby a crease in their pants appears to disappear up the crack of their arse. Compare camel’s foot.
    hurl v. To hoy (up); call Huey.
    hussy n. Shameless woman; drunk and an unfit mother.
    I
    I can’t believe it’s not batter Possible advertising slogan for KY Jelly. See fanny batter.
    ICBM acronym Of modern day state of the art trouser weaponry, Inter Cuntinental Ballistic Missile. See also meat seeking pissile, guided muscle.
    iced fingers n. Bakers confectionery-speak for the results of glazing the knuckle (qv).
    I.B.M. 1. Itty Bitty Meat. A small penis. 2. Inches Below Muff. The units in which a skirt is measured.
    interior decorating v. To apply the population paste (qv) with a purple headed womb broom (qv).
    in the club adj. Up the duff; pregnant; pregas. abbr. in the pudding club.
    impersonate Stalin v. To perform oral sex on a woman; don the beard; eat hairy pie. As in “Hold tight up there love, I’m just gonna do a quick impersonation of Stalin”.
    Irish 1. n. Heterosexual anal sex, supposedly as a means of contraception. Compare Vatican roulette. 2. rhym slang ‘Irish jig - wig’
    Irish shave n. A dump.
    Irish toothache n. Erection; bone. As in “Is that a gun in your pocket, or have you just got Irish toothache?”
    iron (hoof) rhym. slang Poof.
    I.R.S. Itchy Ring Syndrome. Irritating anal affliction caused by insufficient wiping of the chocolate starfish (qv), or by inflammation of the farmers (qv).
    I say! interj. Caddish expression of delight upon seeing an attractive woman.
    itch n. The feeling of sexual attraction towards his wife which a married man gets on average once every 7 years.
    Itchypoo Park n. The area around the chocolate starfish (qv) during a bout of I.R.S. (qv).

    J
    jack off v. Whack off; choke the chicken; jerk the gherk-in. Compare jill off.
    jack roll n. 1. S. African Gang bang. 2. US Mugging.
    jacked up adj. To be celibate whilst suffering from a venereal disease.
    jack shit n. Bugger all; sweet FA; zero; zilch.
    jacksie n. Polite word for arse, especially in the recep recepticular context. e.g. “You can stick your fucking parking ticket up your jacksie, mate. I’m not paying”.
    jacksie rabbit n. Muddy funster; Hershey highwayman.
    jack the beanstalk See jiggle the jewellery.
    jail bait n. Worms dug up by tunnelling prisoners and later, after their escape, used for fishing.
    jake n. 1. Proud monument erected in the memory of a nice pair of knockers you once saw, or a notable scene from a blue movie. 2. Scot. Ugly woman.
    jamboree bags n. Funbags (qv).
    jammer n. Jamaican Pud. See also wind jammer.
    jam rag n. Tampon.
    jam raid n. Crimson tidal movement which leaves tuna town (qv) inaccessible by skin boat (qv) at certain times of the month.
    Jane n. Primarily a ladies lavatory, but being the opposite of John (qv) in all senses.
    jang n. Dong.
    Japanese flag n. Appearance of the arsehole when blighted by ring sting (qv). As in: “Aaagh! Ooyah! I’m sitting on a Japanese flag”.
    Jap’s eye n. Male urethral opening; hog’s eye.
    jarred adj. Pissed; sloshed; wankered.
    J. Arthur (Rank) rhym. slang Wank. For example, while watching blue movies Jonathon Ross might say: “Phwwoar! What I weally want wight now is a quick J. Arfur”.
    jazz n. 1. Fadge; mott. 2. Sex; intercourse.
    jazz mag n. Printed volume of pornographic material; gentleman’s interest journal.
    JB See Jodrell.
    jelly hammock See drip tray.
    jelly roll n. US 1. Fanny; muff; totty. 2. Sex; roll in the hay.
    jelly water mangoes n. Large knockers; gazunkas.
    Jenny n. US Boris; minge.
    jerk n. Stupid, dim or dull person.
    jerk off See jack off.
    jerkin’ the gherkin v. Masturbatory variation on the rhyme plus cucumber/cock similarity theme.
    jerkwad n. US Tosser; fuckwit; wankipants. Adaptable insult, literally a ‘masturbation bundle’.
    jewels See family jewels.
    jig-a-jig n. It (qv); jiggery pokery.
    jigger 18thC n. That tool with which a man commits jiggery pokery (qv).
    jiggered adj. Buggered; knackered; shagged out; jiggery poked.
    jiggery pokery n. Shennanigans; ambiguous sexual goings on. As in “I’ll have no jiggery pokery going on under my roof”.
    jiggle the jewellery v. See jerkin the gherkin.
    Jill off v. Female equivalent of Jack off (qv); paddle the pink canoe. Until it leaks.
    Jimmy Riddle rhym. slang Vicar friendly term for a piddle.
    jism n. Semen. Also gism, jissom, jizz, jizzom.
    jit gel n. US The contents of a used condom once it has floated across the Atlantic.
    jit gel rag n. US Any available object on which you wipe your cock after sex, e.g. tissues, T shirt, underpants, curtains.
    jittler n. Helmet cheese.
    jizz abbr. n. Jism; thp-unk. v. To shoot your load; come; ejaculate.
    jizzbags n. Scrotum; John Wayne’s hairy saddlebags.
    jizz jar n. Girlfriend. Probably considered derogatory, although you’d think they’d take it as a compliment.
    Joan Collins’ knickers See tart’s window box.
    job n. A Richard (qv). See also on the job.
    jobby, a big Scotch Job.
    jobby jouster n. A lunchbox lancer who jousts with another man’s jobs (qv).
    jockies rhym. slang Nipples. Jockies whips - nips.
    Jodrell (Bank) rhym. slang J. Arthur Rank (qv). From the Knuts... fnarr fnarr! (qv) ...ford space research centre.
    John n. Percy, Willie etc. See also John Thomas.
    John, a n. In prostitution, a client; Hillman Hunter.
    John, the n. Toilet.
    Johnny See rubber Johnny.
    John Thomas n. The pet name by which Lady Chatterley’s lover (horizontal gardener Mellor) referred to his pink hoe in the controversial steamy novel by Harry Worth.
    John Wayne’s hairy saddlebags See hairy saddlebags.
    joombye (joom-bee) n. Scot. Jism; jizz; McSpunk.
    josser n. 19thC Fuckwit or parasite. The ideal name for someone who is both.
    joystick n. Of choppers (qv), the cockpit instrument or knob (qv) which gets throttled; trouser toy; pant plaything.
    jubblies n. Breasts; funbags; pink pouffes. Sometimes “wubbly” jubblies.
    jubnuts n. Bead curtains; dangleberries; dags.
    jugs n. Female breasts. As in: “Pardon me madam, I was just admiring your lovely pair of jugs”.
    Julf acronym Jumped up little fucker; pushy twat.
    junior n. US Penis, usually used in reference to one’s own.
    jump v. To have sex. Also jump someone’s bones. e.g. “I feel like jumping on some bones tonight”.
    K
    kahoonas (ka-hooo-naaaz) n. Large wobbly breasts; golden bodangers; kermungers; Gert Stonkers.
    kak . ka ka See cack.
    kak klaxon n. Rectal hooter from which loud anal honks are emitted, together with the occasional follow through (qv).
    kakpipe cosmonaut n. He who prefers to dock in the rear unloading bay.
    kangaroo shagging a spacehopper sim. Energetic sex or a promiscuous woman. As in “Bloody hell! I bet she goes like a kangaroo shagging a space hopper”. Also shithouse door in the wind.
    kazoo n. USA Butt; bum.
    kecks . kegs n. Shreddies; trollies; underpants.
    keck cackler n. He who cackles in his kecks. See keck cougher.
    keck cougher n. He who burps backwards; emits under thunder (qv).
    keech . keek n. Crap; kak.
    keister n. kak hole; arse.
    khaki buttonhole See chocolate starfish.
    khazi n. Shitter; bog.
    Khyber rhym. slang Arse. From Khyber Pass. Pass pronounced as in “me the cucumber sandwiches’”.
    kick with the left foot v. What players who arrive on the other bus (qv) tend to do; football equivalent of bowling from the Pavilion end (qv).
    kidney wiper n. Slat (qv) rattler. See also purple headed womb broom.
    kife n. 1. collective Blart; totty; birds. 2. Sex.
    kilt See skirt.
    kipper n. Billingsgate box; minge; captain’s pie.
    kipper basting v. Shagging.
    kipper for breakfast n. To rise early and go for a horizontal jog (qv); ideal cure for dawn horn (qv).
    kissing tackle n. North and south; gob.
    kiss the porcelain god See talking on the great white telephone.
    Kit-Kat shuffler n. Masturbatoress; weasel buffer; gusset typist.
    kitten hammock n. Bra.
    kitten’s noses n. Nipples.
    kling-ons n. 1. Winnets; dangleberries; anal hangers-on. 2. One of numerous races of Star Trek alien with bumpy foreheads.
    klutz n. Thickhead. orig. German meaning ‘block of wood’.
    knackers (na-kaz) n. Balls; nuts; testicles. As in: “Ooyaah! I’ve knacked me knackers!”
    knee trembler n. Intercourse while both parties are standing up. Often in a shop doorway.
    knicker bandit n. Raider of washing lines; Daz back doorstep challenger.
    knob 1. n. Penis; prick; John Thomas. 2. v. To shag. As in “I knobbed the arse off her”.
    knob cheese n. 1. Smeg-ma. 2. Foreskin feta found underneath Kojak’s roll-neck (qv) and around the banjo (qv) or cheese ridge. Also knob Stilton, knob yoghurt, Helmetdale (qv).
    knob chopper n. Precariously balanced lavatory seat which falls down while you’re having a piss and therefore must be held up manually.
    knob head . knob end n. Fuck wit; thick head; oaf.
    knob jockey n. Someone who sits on a door handle whilst the door is in motion for sexual gratification.
    knob shiner n. Someone who is always prepared to polish a pink oboe (qv).
    knocker nest n. Bra. See also over the shoulder boulder holder, kitten hammock.
    knockers 1. n. Breasts. As in “What a lovely pair of knockers”. 2. n. Of football punditry, those who have criticised a player in the past. As in “Well Brian, the lad has certainly had his knockers”.
    knocking shop n. Brothel; rub-a-tug parlour; pub or club where women go to be picked up; meat mart.
    knock one on v. To have sex (with a partner).
    knock one out v. To have sex (with yourself).
    know, in the Biblical sense v. To have shagged. As in “Last year at Club 18-30 I knew about forty birds in a Biblical sense, in eight days! And another six sucked me off”.
    Kojak’s roll-neck n. Foreskin. Based on the slap headed lolly sucking 70s TV detective.
    kosher dill n. Circumcised salami; Kojak minus the collar.
    Kuwaiti tanker See merch-ant banker.
    kweef n. US A pump (qv) from the front bottom (qv); a drop of the hat, forwards.
    L
    lab kebab n. abbr. Labia kebab. Vertical bacon sandwich; fur burger.
    labia lard See fanny batter.
    labrador lipstick n. Stalk; erection.
    lace curtain n. Kojak’s roll-neck (qv).
    Lady Chalk of Billingsgate n. Thrush; infection of the vagina. As in “I regret to announce that Lady Chalk of Billingsgate is visiting at this present time”.
    Lake Wendouree n. Aus. Ejaculation, e.g. “Oh my God... Uuughh! I’m in Lake Wendouree!” From the lake at Ballarat (qv) Australia.
    langball n. Type of dangleberry (qv) which attaches itself to John Wayne’s hairy saddlebags (qv).
    langer n. Penis.
    langered See lathered.
    lamb cannon n. An arms development dating somewhere between the mutton musket (qv) and the bacon bazooka (qv).
    lapper n. Pink oboe (qv) virtuoso; hairy pie eater.
    lash on, get a bit v. To find some female company. As in “Howay, let’s gan oot an’ get a bit lash on”.
    last meat supper n. Final fling before marriage. It’s all fish suppers (qv) thereafter.
    lathered adj. Pissed; plastered; palatic.
    launch your lunch v. To laugh liquidly. See liquid laughter.
    lavatory n. Smallest room; little house; loo; water closet; convenience; place of easement; shithouse; crapper; privy; bog; latrine; cackatorium; temple of cloacina; toilet; kharzi; thunder box; comfort station.
    lavender n. Male homosexual.
    lavender marriage n. Any matrimonial coupling about which there is a whiff of lavender (qv).
    lay n. Prospective or past sexual partner. As in “I knew your wife many years ago. She was a terrific lay”.
    lay a cable v. Build a log cabin; grow a tail; drop a copper bolt. See also cable laying.
    lay-and-display n. A type of European lavatory where the stool lands on a dry porcelain surface prior to being flushed away.
    lazy lob on n. Semi erect penis; dobber.
    lead in your pencil, to have adj. To be with big beef olive rather than loose sausage meat (qv).
    lead the llama to the lift shaft v. Point Percy at the vagina.
    leg lifter n. Benefactor (qv). Somebody who breaks company (qv).
    leg man n. He who prefers legs to tits or arses.
    leg over n. A sausage and donut situation (qv). As in “Did you get your leg over?” “No, but I got tops and three fingers”.
    left-footer n. Gay or catholic person, but ideally one who is both.
    left the lid off the glue-pot v. To smell of spunk. As in “Poo! Someone’s left the lid off the gluepot”.
    length n. A vague unit of sex, as is often “slipped” to a woman by a man. See also one.
    Leo Sayer rhym. slang All dayer. Bender; prolonged drinking session; all day party.
    lepidopterist n. Person who collects butterflies e.g. Val Doonican.
    lesbiany (lez-bee-uh-nee) adj. Appertaining to lesbianism. For example, in a rub-a-tug shop (qv) one might enquire “Any chance of you and your mate doing something lesbiany?”
    lesbo n. Tuppence licker; bean flicker; carpet muncher; lickalotapus; dyke.
    let off v. To fart; blow off; launch an air biscuit.
    let one go v. The pre-planned release of a fart into the wild.
    let Percy in the playpen n. Consent to intercourse; allow Percy (qv) into the tunnel for a shunt.
    let rip v. Fart; blast off.
    lettuce n. Piss flaps.
    lettuce licker n. Lesbian; bean flicker; tuppence licker.
    lezza See lesbo.
    lezzo boots n. Any clumpy, unfeminine footwear worn by women. The opposite of fuck me shoes.
    lickalotopus n. Scientific name for a tuppence licker (qv) of prehistoric reptilian proportions.
    lick both sides of the stamp v. To drive on both sides of the road; travel on both buses; AD/DC.
    lid n. Bit above the brim (qv).
    lifting the cheek v. The sly behaviour of a cushion creeper (qv).
    lils n. 1950s/60s Tits.
    lingam n. Ancient Hindu Penis. One of a pair, the other being yoni (qv).
    lip reading v. Observing women in tight pants who have the camel’s foot (qv). As in “If she bends over any more I’ll be able to read her lips from here”. See also Twix lips, mumblers.
    lip ring n. A lipstick line around the pork sword (qv) showing how far it has been swallowed.
    lipstick lesbian n. Glamorous, feminine female homosexual, as found on the adult channel but rarely down the pub.
    liquid laughter n. Puke; psychedelic yodelling.
    little death n. French In a male, the post bonk feeling of shagged outity.
    living in the Pavilion v. Intensifier of bowling from the Pavilion end (qv). As in “He doesn’t bowl from the Pavilion end, mate. That one lives in the fucking Pavilion”.
    lobcock n. A large, flaccid penis such as could be lobbed onto a pub table by its drunken owner.
    log n. Bum cigar; brown trout.
    log cabin See build a log cabin.
    loon pipe n. Anus.
    loop the loop v. To order a vertical bacon sandwich (qv) to eat out and a drink on a stick (qv) for the lady; No.69 on the menu.
    loose at the hilt adj. To have diarrhoea; crop spray (qv).
    loose sausage meat n. Flaccid penis which cannot be funnelled into a condom. As in “Sorry love, my sausage meat seems a bit loose”. See also stuffing the marshmallow.
    lose your manners v. To fart.
    lose your mess v. Ejaculate; shoot your load.
    lotties n. Breasts.
    love bumps n. Funbags; guns of Navarone.
    love juice n. That liquid produced in the Billingsgate box (qv) upon which the skin boat (qv) sails. Often referred to as luv jooz in 1970s scud literature.
    love palace n. That magical place which lies within the palace gates (qv).
    love socket n. Vagina; entry point for the main cable (qv). Also rocket socket, serpent socket, spam socket.
    love puff n. Gentle air biscuit (qv) launched in the direction of your partner in bed, often the morning after a curry, in an attempt to cement the intimacy of the moment. See also Dutch oven.
    love sausage n. Banger served with love spuds (qv).
    love spuds n. Root vegetable found in the shreddies (qv).
    love torpedo n. Penis. As in: “I sank her bacon battleship with my purple-hot love torpedo”.
    love truncheon See love torpedo.
    love tunnel n. That place in which Percy (qv) the small engine shunts his load.
    lucky Pierre n. In botting (qv) circles, the busiest botting link in a three man bum chain (qv); the filling in a shirt lifter sandwich.
    lunchbox n. In British tabloid journalism, that conspicuous bulge which appears in athlete Linford Christie’s shorts; packet.
    lunchbox lancer n. archaic Mediaeval term for a cocoa shunter (qv). First used by King Arthur to describe the French army. In 562 AD he wrote: “Fear not the French, for their knights are without heart, and their King without wisdom. But keep thine backs as to the wall, for amongst their number thou shalt find more than a few lunchbox lancers, I can tell you”.
    luncheon truncheon See spam javelin.
    lunching at the Lazy Y v. Dining out cowboy style, on hairy pie (qv), beans and coffee.
    lung butter n. Phlegm; green smoking oysters.
    lychees n. A sweeter, more exotic knacker-speak alternative to plums (qv).
    "here i go again its time to start my badness its funny somehow it seems ive had this same old summer maddness"

    "I've seen a rich man beg, I've seen a good man sin, I've seen a tough man cry, I've seen a loser win, And a sad man grin, I heard an honest man lie, I've seen the good side of bad, And the downside of up, And everything between, I licked the silver spoon, Drank from the golden cup, And smoked the finest green"

  2. #2

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