Famous One-Liners

[BEN-JAMMIN']

Ah, yes, divorce...from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
-- Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
-- Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
-- Billy Crystal

"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."
-- George Carlin

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
-- Lewis Grizzard

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
-- Robin Williams

"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infants life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
-- Dave Barry


"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
-- Johnny Carson

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
-- Paul Rodriguez

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
-- Oscar Wilde