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Thread: crap joke corner

  1. #61

    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    2,117
    i fort that was well funny actually...
    So tell me how do u do. finally I meet u. U dont no wot i been thru, waiting and wondering about u. I had a dream my trip would end up at u and now i no paradise


  2. #62

    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    13
    Two fish in a tank. One says "Can you drive this thing?"

  3. #63

    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Dysfunction Junction
    Posts
    7,606
    What do you call seven epileptics wrapped in foil?

























    A packet of Wrigleys....

  4. #64

    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    North West
    Posts
    264

    Lightbulb

    Have your heard of the latest technology from Nike.
    They have brought out a pair of shorts for women called Nike mumble?
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    They say you can see the lips moving but you don’t know what the cunts sayin!

  5. #65

    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    The cultural center of England.....Birmingham
    Posts
    1,969
    football based joke.

    Raul, Ronaldo and Beckham were all at Real Madrid's canteen.

    They were eating their packed lunch and Raul said; "Tapas again! If I
    get Tapas one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off the top of the stadium
    Ronaldo opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I
    get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
    Beckham opened his lunch and said, "Ham & Cheese again. If I get a
    Ham & Cheese sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

    The next day Raul opened his lunch box, saw Tapas and jumped to his
    death.
    Ronaldo opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. Beckham
    opened his lunch, saw the Ham & Cheese and jumped to his death as well.

    At the funeral Raul's wife was weeping. She said,"If I'd known how
    really tired he was of Tapas I never would have given it to him again!"

    Ronaldo's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or
    enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

    Everyone turned and stared at the skinny arseless bint wearing
    oversized sunglasses and trailer trash trucker baseball cap.

    "Hey, don't look at me," said Posh, "David makes his own lunch."


    AVFC

    PS3 gamer name simzzzz

  6. #66

    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    1,712
    I was getting into my car the other day, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?'
    I said 'Sure, you look great... the world's your oyster... go for it!'

    Driving home the other night, a policeman stopped me, he taps on the window of the car and says: 'Would you please blow into this bag, Sir'.
    I said: 'What for, Officer?'
    He says: 'My chips are too hot'.

    Bloke in the pub yesterday says to me 'My dog doesn't eat meat'.
    I said 'Why not?'.
    He said 'We never give him any'

    Strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you.
    You do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in

    I was in my car yesterday, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted.' I was so excited, I swerved.
    2 minutes later, he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again.' and I swerved again.
    After 5 minutes he rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' I drove straight into a tree.
    A policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?'
    I said 'I careered off the road.'

    Tommy Cooper - RIP

  7. #67

    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Posts
    50
    how do u get a fat girl in2 bed? a piece of cake...

  8. #68

    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Dysfunction Junction
    Posts
    7,606
    What's had more balls on it than Ian Botham's bat?
















    Elton John's chin......

  9. #69

    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Halesowen
    Posts
    126
    Bloke in the pub yesterday says to me 'My dog doesn't eat meat'.
    I said 'Why not?'.
    He said 'We never give him any'
    FUKKIN LOVE THAT ha ha ha ha ha trucker is robbin that joke for him sen LOL nice !

  10. #70

    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Halesowen
    Posts
    126
    [QUOTE=simzzzz]football based joke.

    Raul, Ronaldo and Beckham were all at Real Madrid's canteen
    HAHAHAHAHAHAPMSL you had me at real madrid canteen ! lol lol lol

  11. #71

    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    1,712
    One for the North-Easternally challenged among us...

    Wor Geordie was on a day trip to London, and thought while he was there, he might as well pay a visit to the Queen (cos he might not be back there again for a bit like). So he walks up to the front door at Buckingham Palace & rings the bell. A voice from the other side of the door says "Yes, who is it please?"
    "It's Geordie, hinny. Ahm doon fo the day from Dunston, anna thowt a'd come & visit the Queen for me bit tea like".
    "uh... hold on a moment please", said the voice, & Geordie could hear someone get up & walk off into the palace.
    Five minutes later, he's still waiting outside, checks his watch & decides to have a tab while he's waiting.
    Another 10 minutes go by, & he's thinking she must be busy... but he decides to give it another 5 minutes on the off chance.
    After an hour, he hears the footsteps returning, and the voice from inside the door "would you mind awfully removing your shoes, please, only her Majesty's just done the hall carpet". Fair enough, thinks Geordie, so he pulls his boots off & waits just outside the door.
    After a minute, he hears bolts being drawn back, the door opens & he's ushered inside by a page in a long red & gold jacket. As he steps inside, the page points him toward an open door to his left, so off he goes.
    He's not sure whether he should knock or not, so taps gently on the door, just to be on the safeside like.
    He hears a woman's voice from inside the door "Enter"... so in he goes.
    As he walks into the room, he sees the queen sitting on the setee in the corner of the room watching Countdown.
    "Hello there Geordie" she says, "come on over & have a cup of tea, you must be spitting feathers".
    "Aye, ah am a bit dry likes, ah could reet morda a cuppa" says Geordie.
    "I'll be mother" says the queen and pours out two cups - milk in first, obviously (cos she's posh like).
    After Geordie's settled back with his tea, the Queen points over to the sideboard, where there are some plates of goodies. "Now then Geordie would you like a piece of cake, or a meringue?"
    Geordie says "Nah, ye wor spot on pet. Ah'll have a bit o' cake".

  12. #72

    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Still trying to figure out where to hang my picture...
    Posts
    1,505
    what do you give an elephant with diarreha?
    Lots of room!

    what do you call a sheep with no legs?
    A cloud!

    How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?

    what does a one-legged ballerina wear?
    A one one!

    My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him

    what did batman say to robin before they got in the car?
    robin, get in the car!

    why does an ocean roar?
    you would too if you had crabs on your bottom!

    Three strings walked into a bar. The bartender said to them:"I don't serve strings."
    two of them walked away. but the third went into the bathroom and messed up his hair.
    He came back out and ordered a drink.
    The bartender said:"Hey, aren't you a string?" He replied:"I'm a fraid knot."

    What's the similarity between Michael Jackson, and a good malt whisky?
    They both come in tiny tots.

    One.
    How many psychics does it take to change a light bulb?
    [/URL]
    Quote Originally Posted by Lottie
    charlotte says: cant get preggers up the bum
    Quote Originally Posted by nics (height of cheekiness)
    nics says: oh by the way ive got a bone to pick with you.........ring me
    Quote Originally Posted by Lottie admitting she has a cock
    Judderz: thats Lottie
    lottie: the one with the biggest cock haha
    Past Mixes To Download Here

  13. #73

    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Still trying to figure out where to hang my picture...
    Posts
    1,505
    Funny thing about hard drives: the bigger they are, the more porn you download.

    After a while it seems that there was no upgrade at all.
    [/URL]
    Quote Originally Posted by Lottie
    charlotte says: cant get preggers up the bum
    Quote Originally Posted by nics (height of cheekiness)
    nics says: oh by the way ive got a bone to pick with you.........ring me
    Quote Originally Posted by Lottie admitting she has a cock
    Judderz: thats Lottie
    lottie: the one with the biggest cock haha
    Past Mixes To Download Here

  14. #74

    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    54
    one day in vallhalla odin was walkin about when he sees thor sulking in a bad mood, he gose over to him and says "son whats wrong?" thor looks at his dad and replies "i havent had a wench in a millenium and im dying for some sex"
    Odin thinks for a minuite then says "tell you what go to earth tonight, find a wench and have sex"
    Thor without another word gose to earth.
    The next day he comes back with a big grin on his face. Odin says "well how did it go?"
    "It was great dad i had sex with this wench 47 times last night"

    "47 times you fool their mortals they can not handle that! go back down and apoligise"

    thor gose back to the wench from last night and says
    "hi about last night, im sorry but you see im thor"
    and the wench replies "YOUR THOR WHAT ABOUT ME!"

  15. #75

    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    54


    A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

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