Remember Chuck Norris & Mr T Facts ? Well Here's Jack's...

[JD7]

Jack Bauer Facts
You've had Chuck Norris, you,ve had Mr T. Now its Jack Bauer!

If you are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer's gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why?
Because the gun is being held by Jack *beep* Bauer.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto - San Andreas, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're *beep*

Jack Bauer's biological make-up is so advanced that he internally recycles his own human waste into nourishment. That's why Jack never eats or goes to the bathroom.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

While being ‘put under’ in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time.
This annoys the doctors.

Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

Jack Bauer isn't hiding from the world, the world is hiding from Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn't want to.

Everytime Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.

As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

Jack Bauer once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That’s why there’s no life on Mars.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

Jack Bauer doesn't play the game SORRY. Jack Bauer apologizes to no one.

Jack Bauer does not need eyes, he can smell a terrorist 15 miles away, and can hear the fear in their heads from 2 miles away.

A minister, a priest, and a rabi walked into a bar. The minister was a terrorist and was immediately shot by Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer doesn't work for CTU. CTU works for Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer once met Jason, Micheal Myers, and Freddy Kruger in a dark ally. They killed themselves before Jack did it for them.

Some people chew gum, some chew tobacco. Jack Bauer chews broken glass.

Phone Booth was really about Jack Bauer's day off.

Jack Bauer never participated in high school sports. He doesn’t like any game that’s not to the death.

Jack Bauer's shadow has 8 kills.

One time, at band camp, Jack Bauer took a flute and jammed it into a counselor's neck.

Jack Bauer's cellphone battery went dead 12 years ago. It has run on pure adrenaline ever since.

If an ordinary authority figure asked you to jump, then you ask, "How high?" When Jack Bauer asks you to jump, don't ask stupid questions. Just jump!

If Jack Bauer was on prison break, he would of already broken out, then break back in, then break back out in 24 hours.

Jack Bauer uses pepper spray to re-wet his eyes and get the red out.

On Sunday mornings, Jack skips church. God comes to his house instead.

When Jack Bauer takes a dump he doesn't have to flush because his **** is so scared of him it goes straight to the drain by itself.

Jack Bauer does all of Jackie Chan's stunts, including ones where he speaks Chinese.

[dods]

lol - i wonder who is gonna be next!!!! phil mitchell i reckon

[dods]

that is the best one of the lot mate - i was gonna quote some faves but they all fooking rock!!!!

[ste huxley]

Pissing my sides, absolutely brilliant

[Ponka]

Originally Posted by JD7

Jack Bauer's cellphone battery went dead 12 years ago. It has run on pure adrenaline ever since.

FPMSL