9 Types of Girlfriends

[The Joker]

1) Ms. Nice Gal - "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you
shouldn't have"
Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main
squeeze, doormat
Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
Disadvantages: May wise up someday

2) Old Yeller - "You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me
miserable??"
Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell
Advantages: Pays attention to you

Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans

3) Sickly - "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite"
Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy
Advantages: Predictable
Disadvantages: Contagious

4) The Bosser - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a
haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look."

Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and
Chain, yes Mom
Advantages: Often right
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

5) Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch
my career, goals, home, and hair color?"
Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c'mon Honey
Advantages: Easily soothed
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed

6) Wild Woman out of Control - "I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S'fun."
Also known as: Fast girl, freewheeler, goodtime charleena, passed out
Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs

7) Huffy - "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at"
Also known as: No fun, humorless prig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly
Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
Disadvantages: You will have no friends

8) Woman from Mars - "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship"
Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad
News, Artistic
Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud

9) Ms. Dreamgirl - "I am utterly content with you just the way you
are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now"
Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you