Nervous Priest

[Diane]

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous that he could hardly speak. After the mass had finished he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit I put a glass of vodka next to the water and then if I get nervous I take a sip".

So the next Sunday the new priest took the monsignor's advice, at the beginning of the mass he got nervous and took a drink, it worked a treat he proceeded to talk up a storm! Upon his return to the office after the mass he found the following note on his door:

1. Sip the vodka don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments not 12.
3. There are 10 disciples not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The father the son and the holy spirit are not reffered to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8. David slew Goliath he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said "Take this and eat it, for it is my body". He did not say "Eat me".
12. The virgin Mary is not called Mary with the cherry.
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not "Rub a dub dub thanks for the grub".
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St Peters not a Peter pulling contest at St Taffys.

[Saysay]

Lol!

Also, @ the advert below your post!! Couldn't have put it in a better place.