jokes that made me laugh

[woody]

Daisy is a really rare breed of orangutang and is on the verge of extinction until scientists discovered that a human could mate with her to preserve the breed.

"who on earth would carry out such an awful task like that the scientists wondered we will never find anyone will we ? " saiid one

"why don't we ask paddy he has been her keeper for the last 10 years he knows her better than anyone"

so they approach him and explain that it is really important that he considers it cos if he won't do it then when daisy dies the breed will be extinct and they tell him cos it's so important it is a £50,000 contract as well.

Paddy is extremely dubious and doesn't really want to cary out such a vile act but agrees to sleep on it. The next day he goes back to work and agrees to do it on 3 strict conditions.

1, no kissing whatsoever

2, under no circumstances must this ever get out to anybody

3, give me 3 weeks to raise the £50,000


Paddy and Mick are walking home after a night on the p*ss. They've got no money to get a taxi and are staggering all over the place when they
find themselves outside a bus depot.

Paddy has a brainwave and says to Mick "get in there and steal a bus so we can drive home and I'll stay out here and look out for the police"

Mick duly breaks into the depot and is gone for twenty minutes while Paddy is wondering what the hell he is doing.

Eventually Paddy sticks his head around the door and sees Mick running from bus to bus looking very worried.

"What in all hell are you doing Mick, get a move on!"

To which Mick replies " I can't find a number 7 anywhere Paddy"

Whereupon Paddy, holding his hands to his head in disbelief, shouts " You fucking idiot Mick, steal a number 9 and we'll get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way!"


Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

His wife is lying in bed reading.

Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies, "I think you'll find, that is a sheep."

Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

[beaker]

haha very funny. i like the sheep one best ..lol this made me giggle the other week

there are three irishmen in a rape line up

the victim walks in.....................

paddy steps forward an says "thats her ! "