crap joke thread part 6?

[grover]

can't remember who started the crap joke threads but some of them were class.... i heared 2 awful ones today:

what's brown and cheesy and sings in trees?

des o' conker

what sings "oh vienna" and stinks of shit?

midge manure


anyone else got any crap jokes

[Slack Babbath]

wot did the plumber say b4 leaveing his wife? its over flo, lol

wot do u call a woman who burns her bills? bernadette.

wots black n white n looks like a horse? a zebra

[Tigger]

What kind of bees make milk?

Boo-bee's!

[Slack Babbath]

wot do u call a man n wife who r keen anglers? rod n anette

[Dreamgirl]

Kid goes into the doctor and says doctor im feed up up of feeling like a cowboy.. the doctor says how long have you felt like this .. the kid says a YEEHHAAAA

Snake 1 : Did you know we are the most poinsonous snakes in the world ?
Snake 2 : No, youre kiddin me arent you ?
Snake 1 : No, why ?
Snake 2 : Ive just bit me lip

[Markz]

Where does Kylie buy her kebabs from?



Jasons Donnervan

[oldskoolfukwit]

why did the tortoise cross the road?
to get to the shell garage!!

[grover]

haha keep em coming

[moonie]

A little fella walks into a bar. Unfortunately, there is a pile of dog shit just inside the door, and he slips in it and falls over. He gets up, cleans himself up and walks to the bar and buys a drink.

A great big man then enters the bar. He slips in the same pile of shit, falls, gets up, cleans up and buys a drink.

The little guy turns to the big guy and, trying to strike up a conversation, points to the pile by the door and says, "I just did that."

The big guy punches him in the mouth.

[ilovepiano]

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Coz it was dead.



What's red and sits in the corner?
A naughty fire engine.



What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.



What would Postman Pat be called if he was made redundant?
Pat.



There were two cannibals eating a clown. One said "Do you think this tastes a bit funny?



How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in the microwave untill its bill withers.



What do you call a Russian man with a bad cold?
Nasty Chestycough. (works better when you say it, lol)



What's blue and f*cks grannies?
Hypothermia.


What does DNA stand for?
National Dyslexia Association.

[Markz]

Originally Posted by moonie

A little fella walks into a bar. Unfortunately, there is a pile of dog shit just inside the door, and he slips in it and falls over. He gets up, cleans himself up and walks to the bar and buys a drink.

A great big man then enters the bar. He slips in the same pile of shit, falls, gets up, cleans up and buys a drink.

The little guy turns to the big guy and, trying to strike up a conversation, points to the pile by the door and says, "I just did that."

The big guy punches him in the mouth.

Kwality made me chuckle.

[moonie]

A guy walked into a bar. As he was ordering his first drink, he looked around and saw a guy down the end of the bar falling off his stool. He said to himself, "Aw, man, this is disgusting, somebody oughta do something."

He walked over and said, "Hey buddy, let me give you a ride home." He picked the drunk up and dragged him to the door of the bar. He had to prop the guy up against the wall to open the door, but the guy fell down!

When he got the guy out to his car, he propped him up against the car to get out his keys, and the guy fell down again!

Soon they were on their way. He asked the drunk where he lived, and the drunk pointed to a house. He parked and helped the drunk out of the car.

He dragged him up the steps, and propped him up against the railing so he could ring the bell. Again, the guy fell down!

Finally the drunk's wife came to the door. "Look, lady, I brought your husband home for you."

She says, "Well, that's very nice of you, young man, but where's his wheelchair?"

[moonie]

Man walking down the street noticed a street vendor with a sign FROGS FOR SALE.. "greatest blow job you will ever have”.

The man approached and the vendor said, trust me, these frogs give the best blow job you will ever get. The man proceeded home with his new purchase.

About 3am the man’s wife was awakened by strange noises and a light coming from the kitchen. She arose to investigate. When she looked in the kitchen she was amazed to see pots and pans scattered all over, cookbooks opened, her husband frying a steak, and the frog up on the counter watching her husband.

She asked "what the hell are you doing”.

He replied "as soon as I teach this frog to cook.......you`re outa here!!

[^piE^]

how did the hospital know richard whitely had died....his ECG machine went 'di doo, di doo, diddle a doo, booooo'


whats brown n sticky? A stick (just to keep to the crap jokes) :p

[Judderz]

And for the next 23 jokes:

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroids

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick.

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quatro Sinko.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Shit Outta The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes, Dang! Whack.

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer.

23. Whats a Texas Tornado and your wife got in common?
They both start off warm and wet, but end up taking your house and car.