Etch-A-Sketch Corporate Policy

[The Joker]

Our Corporate Operations Committee has defined a lower cost alternative to the previously planned NT and Win 98 system conversions which will also address the Y2K (Year 2000) issues we are facing.

All computers will be removed from the desktop by January 1, 1999. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound and viable reasons for this decision:

1. No Y2K problems.

2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done.

3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails.

4. Reduction in technical support calls will reduce our costs associated with maintaining our I.S. help desk.

5. Reduction in hardware costs.

6. Elimination of all software license fees.

7. Reduction in the amount of training necessary for new hires.

8. Can be used at the desktop as well as away from the office due its extreme portability.

9. Extremely low cost makes them disposable (when one breaks, we will simply replace it).

10. We can now hire 1st graders to do your job.

In anticipation of the questions some of you will undoubtedly have regarding this corporate decision, we have prepared a list of the most Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.