Letters To The Council

[stee]

Genuine complaints - Extracts from actual letters written to local Councils.
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it's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

.... and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was the bad wind the other night that blew them off.

My lavatory seat is broken, where do I stand?

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

Will you please send someone to mend my garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

....50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half, and is now in three pieces.

My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

....and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I can't take it anymore.

The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

[dj_jam]

theyre mad!! :r ofl:

[stee]

These still make me chuckle.

Honestly, these are 100% true.