one liners

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"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'"
- Sandra Bullock


Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one!


Baptists: only trouble is, they don't hold them under long enough.


If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible
warning.
- Catherine Aird


Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body
starts falling apart.
- Caryn Leschen


Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the
windows.
- Jennifer Unlimited


A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
- Rhonda Hansome


My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being
hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
- Erma Bombeck


A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
- Carrie Snow


You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being
a woman? It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got
pierced ears.
- Geri Jewell