>T'was the night before Christmas...

[woody]

>T'was the night before Christmas and all through the flat.
>
>The jungle was blaring, 'twas too loud to chat.
>
>The rizlas were perched on the table with care,
>
>And smoke full of chemicals soon filled the air.
>
>We'd just been out clubbing, I truly was trashed,
>
>My friends were all there and equally mashed
>
>We'd popped a few pills and we'd had a quick sniff,
>
>And just settled down to a nice tasty spliff.
>
>When out on the balcony rose such a clatter
>
>We looked slowly up to see what was the matter.
>
>I got to my feet and I swayed to the door
>
>And only occasionally fell to the floor.
>
>I peered through the glass as I took a long puff
>
>The land glistened softly with rubbish and stuff.
>
>When what to my wandering eyes should appear
>
>But a fat man in red and a team of reindeer.
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>He yelled and he ranted, gave each one a kick
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>I knew in a second it must be Saint Nick.
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>He shrieked at each Reindeer and cursed them alike.
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>"F*ck you!" yelled Rudolph "we're going on strike!"
>
>The reindeer did turn and soar into the sky
>
>And Santa growled something that wasn't goodbye.
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>I watched as they went in a puff of pink smoke
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>And vowed from now on to stay off of the coke.
>
>As debris did settle St Nick turned around
>
>He swore as he angrily kicked at the ground.
>
>He gave me a gesture that clearly implied
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>He'd be very pleased if I let him inside.
>
>I threw the doors open and ushered him in
>
>Invited him through with a welcoming grin.
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>"So where are our presents?" my smashed flatmate cried
>
>With a look of astonishment, Santa replied;
>
>"You seriously think you might be on my list?
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>You've got to be kidding, you're taking the piss!
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>Have you lot considered your actions this year?
>
>Stop being a tw*t and get me a beer."
>
>He opened a Stella, but still looked depressed
>
>We asked him to tell us what made him so stressed.
>
>"My reindeer have left me" he said with a sigh
>
>"Unless I have reindeer I've no way to fly!"
>
>"Now look here" I told him "we may not know much
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>We don't help old ladies, kiss babies and such,
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>But Santa, there's no need for you to despair
>
>We know how to get you back up in the air!"
>
>I chopped up a line with precision and skill
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>And rolled him up neatly a £20 bill.
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>His face lit up quickly with real Christmas cheer
>
>"Perhaps you kids WILL get some presents this year!"
>
>He spoke not a word but got straight to his mission
>
>He snorted that line with wholehearted ambition
>
>Then Santa skinned up and smiled as he puffed
>
>We knew that our stockings this year would be stuffed.
>
>He sprang to the balcony, leapt from the railing
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>Soared to the sky with his present-sack trailing.
>
>I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight,
>
>"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

[The Joker]

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