Why women are like football grounds?

[JohnnyPink]

1. There is a vast difference in grounds with regards
to length and width,
thus varying the quality of the play.

2. Pitches vary from the well-grassed to the
completely bald.

3. Remember it is possible to score at both ends.

4. Tackling from behind is not always an offence -
check with ground
owner.

5. Be careful, as after a few pints a ground appears
to be of Premiership
standard but in reality would not even be eligible as
a council dumping
ground.

6. Only some grounds offer five-a-side facilities.

7. Don't ever make public your desires to play at
Wembley, also never
mention pitches previously visited.

8. Extra time is dependent on subsequent pitch
bookings.

9. If the ground does not seem to have under-soil
heating suggest calling
the game off, possibly even contact coroner.

10. When building a team it is always nice to finish
with Seaman at the
back.

11. Wet pitches allow for long sliding tackles leaving
your kit in a bit
of a mess.

12. Always ask before leaving the pitch and entering
the tunnel.
Conversely, DO NOT expect to be allowed to come
straight from the tunnelto the goal mouth and score.
That can leave an awful taste in the mouth of the
pitch owner and may prevent further use of the ground.


13. Personal morals may be compromised by local
derbies.

14. It is illegal to play on small, unturfed pitches.

15. From time-to-time the goal may be obstructed by a
highly absorbent
goalie.

16. Very few grounds are found with executive boxes.

17. Be wary of grounds with room for coaches.

18. Always be on the look out for grounds that host
ladies football two
evenings a week.

19. Pitches with a waterlogged end, can be out of
bounds for up to 5 days
a month, although this can be longer if you p*ss the
owner off by continually asking to play up the good
end instead.

20. Players will have to agree personal terms with the
club, before being
allowed to play on the turf.

21. Always look for a ground that has never been
played on before (or at
least hasn't had many visits). That said, well used
grounds may have
better facilities and will really know how to get the
best out of a
player.

[The Joker]

LOLOLOLOL see this b4 but it still makes me lauff