Answering Machine

[Crystal]

THE TRANSCRIPT OF THE NEW ANSWERING SERVICE RECENTL Y INSTALLED AT THE MENTAL HEALTH INSTITUTE.

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hot line.

H you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you now

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to

press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press - no one will answer anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the star and hash keys until a representative come on line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or wait before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for a beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. AII of our operators are too busy to talk to you.

[fugjostle]

lol... they should actually use that

I actually laffed out loud at:

"If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or wait before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for a beep. "

lol.. nice one