Midweek Madness!!!

[ZENZEN]

Condom Size Tester............

A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
"What size?" asks the clerk.
"Gee, I don't know."
"Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch, and yells, "Medium!" The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.
Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large!" The guy struts over to the register, pays, and leaves.
A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.
"What size?" The kid embarassedly says "I've never done this before. I don't know what size." The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him and yells "Clean up in aisle 4!"


What Makes Life 100%?????

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.
How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.

What makes life 100%?

If

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented

as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then,

H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But,

A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

And,

B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that hardwork and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.

And look how far .........

A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%

will take you.



Television Sale

A blonde woman went into a well known department store which had advertised a sale on televisions.
She asked the salesperson, "I'd like to buy this t.v. if I could please."
He replied, "I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes".
So, she left upset and went home and decided she wanted to go back and buy the t.v. She put on a wig to make her brunette.
When she returned to the store she asked if she could buy the t.v again and the salesperson said that they don't sell to blondes.
Again she left upset and went home and put on a complete disguise. She put on a moustache and beard, cut her hair into a man's hair style and dyed it and wore a suit.
Again she returned to the store and asked if she could buy the t.v.
The salesperson replied that they don't sell to blondes.
She immediatley exclaimed, "I've put on a complete disguise hiding the fact that I'm blonde, how did you know?"
The salesperson replied, "Because that's a microwave."



Nude Nuns

3 nuns were assigned to paint a room in a church. It was a really hot day and the nuns were getting really hot in those black clothes they wear so they took off all their clothes and went on painting naked. Later they heard a knock on the door.

"Who is it?!?!", The man who knocked replied, "I'm the blind man".

So, the nuns decided to let him in since he would not be able to see them. The nuns let him into the room.... The man then looked around the room, then looked at them and said, "nice tits sisters, where do you want the blinds?"



Sex Frequency

The young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should have it. His grandfather told him that when you first get married, you want it all the time and maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year...maybe on your anniversary. The young fellow then asked his grandfather, "Well how about you and Grandma now?"

His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have oral sex now."

"What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked.

"Well," Grandpa said, "She goes to bed in her bedroom and I go to bed in my bedroom. She yells, 'Screw You', and I holler back, 'Screw You too!'"


THIS IS QUALITY>>>>>>

Sex Problem
A bloke goes to the doctor and says, "I got this sex problem, doc."
"Well," says the quack, "Tell me about your average day."

"Well, it all starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes
me up about 3:00 am for nookie and then again about 5 o'clock so we
can spend a couple of hours making love before I go to work."

"Oh I see," said the doc.
"No, hang on," said the man,"...you see, when I get on the train to
work I meet this girl every day and we get a compartment to ourselves
and have sex all the way there."

"Oh....now I see," said the quack.

"No you don't," said our hero. "When I get to work my secretary
really fancies me and I have to give her one in the storeroom."

"Oh....now I see," said the quack.
"No no no," he said. "When I go to lunch I meet this dinner lady I'm
very fond of and we nip out the back for a quickie."

"Now I understand," said the patient doctor.

"No, hang on," said the bloke.

"When I get back to work in the afternoon my boss, a very demanding
lady I might add, has to have me or she says she'll give me the sack."

Ahh....," said the doctor, "now I see.."

"No, there's more," said our man, "when I get home my wife is so
pleased to see me she gives me a blow job before dinner and then
we have sex afterwards."

"What's your problem?" asked the doc.

"Well...," said our hero, "it hurts when I masturbate."


NJOI,

[grad]

pmsl at the nuns one..class that.

[fugjostle]

Quality jokes there mate... liked the mircowave and masturbater ones

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fug

[The Joker]

Class as always m8