sex jokes......

[sirius]

1

A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. What can
I get you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of
Jagermeister," responded the young man. "6 shots?!?
Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first
blowjob." "Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th
on the house." "No offence, sir. But if 6 shots won't
get rid of the taste, nothing will.
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2

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a
question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he
accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he
does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are
both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as
soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She
replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm
in room 1221."
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3

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed
there for a number of years when he came home one day
to confess to his wife that he had a terrible
compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the
pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a
sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated
that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the
compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill
came home. His wife could see at once that something
was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she
asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this
tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle
slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My
God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill.
I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh...she got fired too."
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4

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has
been in a coma for several years. On this visit he
decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking
to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man
runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good
sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right
breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes
in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan.
>From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go
in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as
it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be
embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five
minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor
his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to
which the man replies: "She choked."
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5

A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets
in there a huge black dude is standing next to him. The
big black dude looks down upon the small white guy and
says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound
left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown" The small
white guy faints!! The big black dude picks up the
small white guy and brings him to, slapping his face
and shaking him and asks the small white guy.
"What's wrong?". The small white guy says; "Excuse me
but what did you say?" The big black dude looks down
and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3
pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner
Brown." The small white guy says, "Thank god, I
thought you said, "Turn around."
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6

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"

The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

"You're wasting your time," said the boy.

"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.

"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

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7_ This ones SICK...lol.

The Railroad Tracks...

So, this guy walks into the bar at about 2 o'clock in the afternoon, looking frazzled and just totally exhausted.

"Jeez, you look awful!", sez the bartender. "What's happened to you?"

So the guy explains: "Me and my buddy Jay were heading home last night about 11 o'clock.

Just as we wuz crossing the railroad tracks, I happened to look over and I seen this naked girl, tied to the tracks, you know, like in the old silent movies. So, me and Jay stopped to see if we could help. We untied the ropes and got her into our pickup, and took her back to our house.

Well, to make a long story short, we ended up taking turns making love with her ALL NIGHT LONG and on into the morning. About noon, we were exhausted, so we just left her there and went out to get some food."

"Well, hell, buddy," sez the bartender. "Tell us all about it! Is she pretty? (cleaning it up for the mixed audience...) Was she a good kisser?"

The guy just shook his head. "Ya know what," he sez. "We musta looked around the tracks for at least a half an hour, but we never could find her head."



pretty bad, but hey, what the heck.

See ya

Sirius.

[The Joker]

There's sum gud 1's there but sum sick 1's n all noice 1 m8

[fugjostle]

nice one

[MC MADDOX]

nice

[Miss Cola]

LOL, Nice one!!!

[Ed]

Class m8!

Had forgotten about that last one, its a cracker!

[northern minx]

classic them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!