Companies.....

[ZENZEN]

Imagine if all major retailers started making their own condoms
and kept the same tag-line............


-Sainsbury Condoms - making life taste better
-Tesco Condoms - every little helps
-Nike Condoms - Just do it.
-Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life.
-Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk.
-KFC Condoms - Finger Licking good.
-Minstrels Condoms -melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
-Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load.
-Abbey National condoms - because life is complicated enough.
-Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.
-Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going.
Pringles condoms - once you pop, you cant stop
-Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper
-Goodyear Condoms - for a longer ride go wide
-FCUK condoms - no comment required.
-Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain.
-Halfords condoms - we go the extra mile.
-Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you.
-Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long
-Renault condoms - size really does matter!
-Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin
-Ronseal quick-drying condoms - its dry and waterproof in 30
minutes
-Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim!!! (please)
-Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just
cannot reach
-Carlsberg condoms - probably the best condom in the world
-AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service
-Pepperami condoms - its a bit of an animal
-Polo condoms - the condom with the hole!!!


A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III", and the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "'well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits."
The guy exclaimed, "A BOLNDE WITH BIG TITS?" Why kill a blonde with big tits?"
Bush turns to Powell and says, "SEE, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"


COMPANY NAMES....

Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations. It shouldn't be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and cultural differences. For example...

1) The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."

2) In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."

3) Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off."

4) The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem - Feeling Free," got translated in the Japanese market into "When smoking Salem, you feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty."

5) When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was apparently unaware that "no va" means "it won't go." After the company figured out why it wasn't selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to the Caribe.

6) Ford had a similar problem in Brazil when the Pinto flopped. The company found out that Pinto was Brazilian slang for "tiny male genitals". Ford pried all the nameplates off and substituted Corcel, which means horse.

7) When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." However, the company mistakenly thought the spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

8) An American t-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of the desired "I Saw the Pope" in Spanish, the shirts proclaimed "I Saw the Potato."

9) Chicken-man Frank Perdue's slogan, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," got terribly mangled in another Spanish translation. A photo of Perdue with one of his birds appeared on billboards all over Mexico with a caption that explained "It takes a hard man to make a chicken aroused."

10) Hunt-Wesson introduced its Big John products in French Canada as Gros Jos before finding out that the phrase, in slang, means "big breasts." In this case, however, the name problem did not have a noticeable effect on sales.

11) Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

12) In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.

13) Japan's second-largest tourist agency was mystified when it entered English-speaking markets and began receiving requests for unusual sex tours. Upon finding out why, the owners of Kinki Nippon Tourist Company changed its name.

14) In an effort to boost orange juice sales in predominantly continental breakfast eating England, a campaign was devised to extoll the drink's eye-opening, pick-me-up qualities. Hence the slogan, "Orange juice. It gets your pecker up."


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Why the Internet is Like a Penis

It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.
In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the same damn dumb things it did before.
It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late.
If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses.
It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.
It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did I do that?"
Some folks have it, some don't.
Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.
Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it.
Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.

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Top Ten Drug Using Cartoon Suspects

10. Gargamel (From the Smurfs)
Most likely LSD. Spends his life in pursuit of little blue guys in sissy white outfits and mentally abusing his cat. What does he plan to do with the blue dwarfs when he catches them anyway?
9. Olive Oyl
Probably Dexatrim abuse, maybe some amphetamines. Who is that skinny?! She might even be anorexic, she is always giving her burger to her friend. One side question, what the hell are Popeye and Brutus thinking? What is it her personality? NOT!
8. Snagglepuss
Can't explain it. Maybe it's the name, or the look, but he is suspicious.
7. He-Man
This is an easy one. I mean c'mon. Roid monkey #1. "BY THE POWER OF ANABOL!!!!!!" Makes me want to root for Skeletor. Alone in his castle, hitting the weights. And on top of that he even injects the shit in his pet tiger. Can we say "Animal Abuse".
6.& 5. Yogi and Boo Boo
We all know what is really in those picnic baskets. They go back to the cave and trip. Another side ? - Are they gay? I mean, take a look at BooBoo. Not that there's anything wrong with that.....
4. Droopy
The number one downer abuser in toon land. Can't someone slip him an upper every year or two. The only time I ever saw him happy is when he sees the picture of the babe. Sort of makes you wonder.
3. Dopey Dwarf
He openly admits it. The other dwarfs deny involvement but they are under investigation. Allegations are that Doc is writing some extra scripts for Sneezy and all the guys partaking are afloat.
2. Daffy Duck
If he isn't using crack, Merion Barry is clean. He is so wired he bounces around on his head without pain. Blows his beak off all the time. Some symptoms might be from "daffiness" but Haldol wouldn't work for him.
1. Shaggy
By far the #1 suspect. His clothes, his hair, his bad goatee, the boy converses with dogs. But all of this is nothing until you go to the Munchie Factor. Anybody who averages 9.3 dog treats consumed per episode does pot - no if, ands, or, buts about it. And Look at the way him and his friends painted that van!






BEND OVER BIN LADEN!!
http://www.rock103.com/bin.html

[The Joker]

Class 1's there m8 the condoms 1's r well spooky

[doolz]

GROUP 4 condoms neone ?lol

[johns_ar]

good stuff lol

[Dj Ben Fisher]

nice one .. lololol .. took me long enough to read it all ...