10 lessons that footballers will have to learn when they enter the real world ...

[The Joker]

10. Not every woman between 18-25 works in lap-dancing clubs

9. It is actually possible to buy a car for less than £35,000

8. When going abroad you sometimes have to do your own packing

7. You actually have to bathe on your own after the match

6. Women won't be as impressed when you say you drive the team coach as when you used to be chauffeured on it

5. You can't expect to earn £92,000 a week flipping burgers at McDonalds

4. When receiving good news at work you don't have to pull your shirt over your head, leap onto a colleague's back and kiss him or her

3. When you're out on the town you're no longer a 'Hellraiser' - just a drunk

2. Leaping onto the floor, writhing around in pain and clutching your ankle won't get you out of doing the tea run

1. It's not big and it's not clever to giggle when you hear that UN peace-keeping forces are entering Jordan.

[Fiona]

PMSL!!!! class m8!!!