Rules

[Crystal]

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women.

Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.

Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points._ Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed............................................... ....................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.... 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.......................-1
You leave the toilet seat up................................................ .....-5

You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty.................... 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.........-2
You go out to buy her tampons........................................... ...+5
in the snow.............................................. ...............................+8

but return with beer.............................................. ..................-5
and no tampons .................................................. .................-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night............................... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.................. 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something............+5
You pummel it with a six iron.............................................. .+10

It's her cat............................................... .............................-40

AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party..................................... 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat
with a College drinking buddy............................................. ....-2
Named Tiffany........................................... .............................-4

Tiffany is a dancer............................................ ....................-10
With breast implants.......................................... ..................-18

HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday.......................................... ......... 0
You buy a card and flowers........................................... ........ 0
You take her out to dinner............................................ ........ 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.............+1
Okay, it is a sports bar............................................... ..........-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night............................................. ...-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your
face is painted the colors of your favorite team....................-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal............................................... ......................... 0
The pal is happily married........................................... .........+1
The pal is single............................................ ........................-7
He drives a Ferrari........................................... ...................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED)...................-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie............................................. .........+2
You take her to a movie she likes.......................................+4
You take her to a movie you hate.......................................+6
You take her to a movie you like.........................................-2
It's called Death Cop III............................................... .......-3

Which features Cyborgs that eat humans..........................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.......-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly....................................-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it................................................ ..........................................+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose
jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts........................................-30

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."................-800

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding........................................ ..........-10
You reply, "Where?".......................................... ...................-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass"..................................-100
Any other response.......................................... ...................-20

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression.......................0
You listen, for over 30 minutes........................................... .+5

You relate to her problem and share a similar experience........................................ ...................................+50
Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think I should do?"...................-100

You have fallen asleep............................................ ...........-200

ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH.......

You talk.............................................. ...............................-100
You don't talk.............................................. ......................-150
You spend time with her............................................... .....-200
You don't spend time with her............................................-500
You are seen to be enjoying yourself........

GAME OVER - YOU LOSE!!!

[Phil]

sh*t!!!... that's where I'm going wrong!... even attempting to play the stupid game!!!.

[Red Mancunian]

PMSL

That's absoultely fekkin spot on that mate, nice one!

[The Joker]

PMSL noice 1's hun!!!