tax rebate

[Duke]

had a call from the wife yesterday ,saying you've got a letter from the inland rev & customs , im thinking shite wtf , was it the duty evasion on baccy & drink i used 2 get (my legs went to jelly ) , theres a big pause you've got a cheque 4 £200.9p , im thinking sweeeeeeeeet it's an early bday shopping spree (spend it on fishing , drink) , but noooooooooo the wife went straight to the bank & put it in the joint account ( the 1 i aint got a card 4 ) so i wont see a penny , if i had of got home 1st it wud of been straight in my sky rocket, so i've got to wait 4 my bday now should i kick her out lol

[EZEE]

i bet your gutted duke.....theres at least an ounce 'n' a Q's worth kik her out

[Duke]

Originally Posted by EZEE

i bet your gutted duke.....theres at least an ounce 'n' a Q's worth kik her out

i'll send her round the bac of asda again

[nics]

ya know what ur a lucky bugger duke....ya do feck all in work and you get a flippin rebate

all the time ive worke and ive never been on the dole and ive always paid tax etc..and ive never ever had a rebate....and i pay a fortune in tax a month

[betty spaghetti]

Originally Posted by nics

ya know what ur a lucky bugger duke....ya do feck all in work and you get a flippin rebate

all the time ive worke and ive never been on the dole and ive always paid tax etc..and ive never ever had a rebate....and i pay a fortune in tax a month

I hear ya nics, ive worked solid for 9 years and got shit all from the cnuts, my BF has had a few tho from paying too much tax from moving from job to job, lucky twat...

[Mr Radish]

You should thank your wife for such financial prudence. She is a woman after my own heart!!!!

I have been this way ever since seeing George Banks advising his chilren in Mary Poppins!

Song: Fidelity Fiduciary Bank LyricsMr. Dawes Sr, Mr. Banks and Bankers:
If you invest your tuppence
Wisely in the bank
Safe and sound
Soon that tuppence,
Safely invested in the bank,
Will compound

And you'll achieve that sense of conquest
As your affluence expands
In the hands of the directors
Who invest as propriety demands

You see, Michael, you'll be part of
Railways through Africa
Dams across the Nile
Fleets of ocean greyhounds
Majestic, self-amortizing canals
Plantations of ripening tea

All from tuppence, prudently
Fruitfully, frugally invested
In the, to be specific,
In the Dawes, Tomes
Mousely, Grubbs
Fidelity Fiduciary Bank!

Now, Michael,
When you deposit tuppence in a bank account
Soon you'll see
That it blooms into credit of a generous amount
Semiannually
And you'll achieve that sense of stature
As your influence expands
To the high financial strata
That established credit now commands

You can purchase first and second trust deeds
Think of the foreclosures!
Bonds! Chattels! Dividends! Shares!
Bankruptcies! Debtor sales!

Opportunities!
All manner of private enterprise!
Shipyards! The mercantile!
Collieries! Tanneries!
Incorporations! Amalgamations! Banks!

You see, Michael
Tuppence, patiently, cautiously trustingly invested
In the, to be specific,
In the Dawes, Tomes
Mousely, Grubbs
Fidelity Fiduciary Bank!

[Shooms]

Originally Posted by Mr Radish

You should thank your wife for such financial prudence. She is a woman after my own heart!!!!

I have been this way ever since seeing George Banks advising his chilren in Mary Poppins!

Song: Fidelity Fiduciary Bank LyricsMr. Dawes Sr, Mr. Banks and Bankers:
If you invest your tuppence
Wisely in the bank
Safe and sound
Soon that tuppence,
Safely invested in the bank,
Will compound

And you'll achieve that sense of conquest
As your affluence expands
In the hands of the directors
Who invest as propriety demands

You see, Michael, you'll be part of
Railways through Africa
Dams across the Nile
Fleets of ocean greyhounds
Majestic, self-amortizing canals
Plantations of ripening tea

All from tuppence, prudently
Fruitfully, frugally invested
In the, to be specific,
In the Dawes, Tomes
Mousely, Grubbs
Fidelity Fiduciary Bank!

Now, Michael,
When you deposit tuppence in a bank account
Soon you'll see
That it blooms into credit of a generous amount
Semiannually
And you'll achieve that sense of stature
As your influence expands
To the high financial strata
That established credit now commands

You can purchase first and second trust deeds
Think of the foreclosures!
Bonds! Chattels! Dividends! Shares!
Bankruptcies! Debtor sales!

Opportunities!
All manner of private enterprise!
Shipyards! The mercantile!
Collieries! Tanneries!
Incorporations! Amalgamations! Banks!

You see, Michael
Tuppence, patiently, cautiously trustingly invested
In the, to be specific,
In the Dawes, Tomes
Mousely, Grubbs
Fidelity Fiduciary Bank!

Boring fucker

I say spunk it up the wall in the pursuit of having a good time

[Mr Radish]

Shame!!!!

Originally Posted by Shooms

Boring fucker

I say spunk it up the wall in the pursuit of having a good time

[Shooms]

Originally Posted by Mr Radish

Shame!!!!

Lend us a tenner ?

[Vickles]

I got a cheque yesterday for £15.25.....better than nowt I suppose..

[Mr Radish]

Invest it in the bank!

Shooms would just waste it on fun. . . strange man!!

Originally Posted by Vickles

I got a cheque yesterday for £15.25.....better than nowt I suppose..

[Mr Radish]

The Tax Man

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said

"I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"

"Good question", noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh", replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way, What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the
crumbs?"

Ah, yes", replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits."

"I see!" replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi", he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

Here, too, we do not waste", answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."

[nowthen]

I got £880 last year , just had me new self assesment form thru last week so hopefully get another lump soon....gotta love April if ya self employed!

[coggledots]

Originally Posted by nowthen

I got £880 last year , just had me new self assesment form thru last week so hopefully get another lump soon....gotta love April if ya self employed!

Gotta be careful now though, Tax mans really clamping down (espesh with us in the building trade), Get pulled by 'em & they can investigate upto 6 yrs back I know 3 different peeps who have had Tax bills of 8k, 9k & 18 feckin grand! this year alone.....after getting investigated.