The best friends - men or women?

[betty spaghetti]

Both are mint to have, being a bit of a tomboy- i love having a chat with my boy mates, get a insight to thier views n shit, but you cant beat having a good old chat with the girls u can talk to them about anything-somethings i just wouldnt impose on my boy mates, they dont have to go thru wat us girls go thru.

Imo I have found great qualities in both, hell i dont care what they are as long as they are good

[Miss C]

Originally Posted by Ed

I've got a lot of female friends (not cos I'm a gayer Shooms) and a lot of male ones as well. I actually, in the midst of conversation or discussion, forget completely the sex of who I'm talking to, it doesn't realy matter. I read somewhere that you make friends with people you aspire to be like, or perhaps another view is that your friends are exactly like you are, but sometimes you can't see that yourself, sometimes for years, and then yu realise, 'God' I'm like that!'. This can be in the positive or the negative lol.

As for blokes 'wanting more' although a generalisation, there's probably a lot of truth in this. I think when you are very attracted to someone, either physically or as a whole person, its hard not to think that way, at least in the first instance. If the guy is mature though, and perhaps more importantly the female is frank, honest and does not seek to manipulate out of being flattered by the attention in any way, then a good honest friendship can form easily. Again this depends on the maturity of the woman in question.

I remember seeing an interview with Dustin Hoffman reasonably recently where he said he only realised late in life that he'd pretty much ignored every woman he'd been introduced to that he didn't feel physically/sexually attracted to. He said when he realised this, he literally burst into tears, not just out of embarrassment at his own shallowness, but out of all the missed opportunities to form meaningful friendships/relationships with amazing, interesting, inspiring women.

As a man out of his 20's and over the wild uncontrollable 'mojo' phase of my life (its still there and ready for action, its just the jedi training has kicked in and I am more aware of its power now!) I can totally relate to that. Of course when you meet someone you feel wildly attracted to physically, the 'Need to fuck' instinct kicks in, its in all of us. I'm pretty sure its in most women as well, just not as pronounced as in men.

Because I have a lot of female friends, someone who is insecure is not the girl for Ed. It just wouldn't work. I would never, ever make a girlfriend feel second best to one of my friends, the relationship as a lover is different. But I'm not going to not show a female friend affection and love. This fits in with the controlling thread. An insecure person will project those insecurities onto an innocent friendship.

Again though, I've been in a situation where a girl I was seeing did not care about making me feel second best to others that caught her eye. If I'd been less insecure at the time I'd have told her it wasn't acceptable and walked away. As it was I tolerated it and I suffered as a result. This isn't trying to control, its just knowing what is acceptable to you, and sticking to it. Take nothing less, because you get what you deserve.

Was supposed to be a short reply, its a mini essay lol. I'll come back to this no doubt, that's just off the top of my head.

I'm glad you kind of validated & explained that from a male perspective, good example with that Dustin Hoffman. It was a bit of a taboo statement of me to make, because no female wants to believe it, (I certainly didn't), but I think its the truth in alot of, (by no means all) cases, that they would if they could. Everybodys different. I don't actually think it works the other way so much either, perhaps partially because women generally tend to be able to get their way with men easier than men with women, so they don't need to bother with a long winded farcical friendship in the first place? or maybe we're just less sexually governed? or naive as to some male motives?

Its just weird with SOME close male/female friendships, where are the boundaries? how do you distinguish your feelings? particularly if you're a man! Loads of male/fem friendships turn into relationships, so theres obviously a bit of both going on sometimes.

[Miss C]

Originally Posted by betty spaghetti

Both are mint to have, being a bit of a tomboy- i love having a chat with my boy mates, get a insight to thier views n shit, but you cant beat having a good old chat with the girls u can talk to them about anything-somethings i just wouldnt impose on my boy mates, they dont have to go thru wat us girls go thru.

Imo I have found great qualities in both, hell i dont care what they are as long as they are good

Yeah having a really close female friend is the best thing ever, I wouldn't swap my best mate for ANYTHING, we literally discuss everything we couldn't say to anyone else, tell each other every little personal detail of our lives without judgement, everything is funny, its ace when there are no boundaries & you're 100% comfortable with another person.

[Shooms]

I believe that a soul is neither female or male... it is both... & it chooses to incarnate as both sexes for life lessons, growth & balance...

I can't say that I prefer blokes over birds...or vice sersa... it's down to individual personality & that undefinable ability to either 'click' or not as the case may be...

It's great to have a wide range of friends too (of both sexes) so no matter what the circumstances (be it football hooliganism, watching Phantom of the Opera, snorting your own vomit etc etc) there's always someone special in your life that you can share it with

[Miss C]

Originally Posted by Shooms

it's down to individual personality & that undefinable ability to either 'click' or not as the case may be...
)

How weird is it, there are some people you meet once, instantly click with, and are friends for life, something special is just there, yet some other people you meet countless times and they will always just be...a friend of a friend.

[Shooms]

Originally Posted by Miss C

How weird is it, there are some people you meet once, instantly click with, and are friends for life, something special is just there...

I knew you felt the same way Chez

[betty spaghetti]

Originally Posted by Miss C

Yeah having a really close female friend is the best thing ever, I wouldn't swap my best mate for ANYTHING, we literally discuss everything we couldn't say to anyone else, tell each other every little personal detail of our lives without judgement, everything is funny, its ace when there are no boundaries & you're 100% comfortable with another person.

Yeah I totally agree with ya Cheryl having someone who you can trust and having someone you value is ace, i try and look for that in most friendships. i love my bezzy mate. shes ace. weve known each other since we were like 2 yrs old, We have our disagreements and debates but its all in a good way and we can tell each other exactly what we are thinking without prejudice, its the one person in the world who i know who will tell me how it is, an i love her for it.

Shes all grown up now tho with 2 gorgeous little girls and trianing to be a teacher so dont get to go out on maduns as much with her now

Shes always gonna be my bitch-She knows too much about me lol

[Ed]

Originally Posted by Miss C

I'm glad you kind of validated & explained that from a male perspective, good example with that Dustin Hoffman. It was a bit of a taboo statement of me to make, because no female wants to believe it, (I certainly didn't), but I think its the truth in alot of, (by no means all) cases, that they would if they could. Everybodys different. I don't actually think it works the other way so much either, perhaps partially because women generally tend to be able to get their way with men easier than men with women, so they don't need to bother with a long winded farcical friendship in the first place? or maybe we're just less sexually governed? or naive as to some male motives?

Its just weird with SOME close male/female friendships, where are the boundaries? how do you distinguish your feelings? particularly if you're a man! Loads of male/fem friendships turn into relationships, so theres obviously a bit of both going on sometimes.

Yep true in a lot of cases, but not all. The 'not all' ones are the best people to have a relationship with, because they see the whole person, not just some saucy sexual fantasy or as a trophy on the arm/someone their mates will be impressed with. When I say whole person, I mean all the shit as well, the insecurity, the fear, all the stuff you hide most of the time. You'll be able to tell what a man wants from you first and foremost by what he says and how he acts. I think women instinctively sense this and can even fine tune it.

I guess you don't have to distinguish your feelings, you either have them or you don't. You can't make yourself flip out and feel crazy about someone, although I think you can warm to them to the point other aspects of them appear sexy, just in a different way. I personally like to feel so mad for someone it terrifies me, but that probably makes me some sort of pervert!

Yeah a lot of friendships turn into relationships, and a lot of sexual attractions turn in real loving friendships without ever losing the sexy thing. I read somewhere it isn't important to find the right person, more to be the right person.

[betty spaghetti]

[quote=Ed;614105]

I guess you don't have to distinguish your feelings, you either have them or you don't. You can't make yourself flip out and feel crazy about someone, although I think you can warm to them to the point other aspects of them appear sexy, just in a different way. I personally like to feel so mad for someone it terrifies me, but that probably makes me some sort of pervert![\QUOTE]

I dnt think it makes u a pervert, it says to me that when you have someone you are truly madly in love with that person, and thats cool as fook ed. Its good to feel.

[Ed]

[quote=betty spaghetti;614107]

Originally Posted by Ed

I guess you don't have to distinguish your feelings, you either have them or you don't. You can't make yourself flip out and feel crazy about someone, although I think you can warm to them to the point other aspects of them appear sexy, just in a different way. I personally like to feel so mad for someone it terrifies me, but that probably makes me some sort of pervert![\QUOTE]

I dnt think it makes u a pervert, it says to me that when you have someone you are truly madly in love with that person, and thats cool as fook ed. Its good to feel.

Maybe. Am still a pervert though. Go on, what colour are they?

[betty spaghetti]

Originally Posted by Ed

Maybe. Am still a pervert though. Go on, what colour are they?

Black

[Ed]

Originally Posted by betty spaghetti

Black

Lol. Can't help myself.

[Miss C]

Originally Posted by Ed

Yep true in a lot of cases, but not all. The 'not all' ones are the best people to have a relationship with, because they see the whole person, not just some saucy sexual fantasy or as a trophy on the arm/someone their mates will be impressed with. When I say whole person, I mean all the shit as well, the insecurity, the fear, all the stuff you hide most of the time. You'll be able to tell what a man wants from you first and foremost by what he says and how he acts. I think women instinctively sense this and can even fine tune it.

I guess you don't have to distinguish your feelings, you either have them or you don't. You can't make yourself flip out and feel crazy about someone, although I think you can warm to them to the point other aspects of them appear sexy, just in a different way. I personally like to feel so mad for someone it terrifies me, but that probably makes me some sort of pervert!

Yeah a lot of friendships turn into relationships, and a lot of sexual attractions turn in real loving friendships without ever losing the sexy thing. I read somewhere it isn't important to find the right person, more to be the right person.

Yeh, theres no need to distinguish your feelings most of the time, people are already too caught up in analysing and labelling everything instead of just letting it flow. Though, for example, if you're in a relationship, it might be that there is more need for feelings for third parties/their feelings for you to be distinguishable, not that that is how it necessarily should be.

And yeah its weird that those different kinds of attraction both work, I had a boyfriend for 3 years who I didn't feel at all crazy about, he just grew on me and it worked really well. I definitely prefer a bit of stomach flippage mind plaiguing infatuation though.

[Miss C]

Originally Posted by Shooms

I knew you felt the same way Chez

Lol. Of course theres the huge in between category of people you keep stumbling across but just haven't had chance to get to know properly yet

[Ed]

Originally Posted by Miss C

Lol. Of course theres the huge in between category of people you keep stumbling across but just haven't had chance to get to know properly yet

Everyone stumbles accross Shooms as he's usually lying down in a pool of his own piss/harry.