Agony!!

[Mojo]

A few years ago me and the wife joined a gym, after a few weeks me and one of the trainers got talking footy and b4 i knew i was playing a knock about game on the field. At the end he said would i like to play for their 7 a side team in a league, i thought no probs and went down to south Leeds stadium for the game. I couldnt believe it when he gave me my team shirt and after 10 mins of playing i felt really really sick, i couldnt even go in goal cos we had a goaly. Everbody was doing stretches a drinking loads, after the game we went to the bar and i was the only one with a beer and a fag, every1 else was on water, lucazade and high energy bars.

[LeedsDJ]

I went to the gym again last night for a bit of cardio and swimming. First time I'd ever been on a treadmill. Didn't have a clue how to work and I did that classic comedy thing;

It asks you for your weight ( it put in 200kg and it told me to get off!! Maximum weight was 160!!) Stayed on anyway. So then it works out how fast you should be running to burn the most calories. Except it doesn;t tell you what the speed will be. All it said was "Press enter to start" so i did. Then the speed flashed up "20mph" My 4rse fell out as it started at light speed!!! Hanging on for dear life while trying to look dignified and hit the stop button at the same time without falling arse over t1t!! Its must have been comical to watch.

My advice to anyone who hasn't used one of these. dont let the machine decide how fast you should be going!!