Hugging/kissing/being affectionate to parents.

[Amelie]

I don't know about any of you lot, but i dn't know when it happened exactly, probably around 12 but i stopped being affectionate towards my folks.

Now my sister (older, prettier, the bitch) never has done this, and i am envious. I get mad that she hugs my mum so freely.

I do do it, just keep it for christmas and birthdays, and when i do i don't want to let go as i know its ages off the next one.

The reason i am saying this is that my mum has just phoned me to tell me my Avon has come ( ), and at the end she said 'I love you', and i always feel really crap as i don't say it back.

Its odd as i am really affectionate and tactile with everybody else, just with my family i find it hard, yet i love them most of all.

What do you lot do with your's, did it go too or do you still have it?

[cam]

my mum usually doesnt believe me if I say it to her so I rarely do.

[northern minx]

awwwwwwww amelie go giv yr mum a gigantic hug and tell u wana hug her more and more, and the more u do, the more natural it will feel


my family has been extremely disfunctional but one thing ive always been glad of is that we are a very tactile affectionate bunch

me n me sis, we still play with each others hair and scratch each others backs! lol

affection is so so important, it says more than words ever can
tis always the little things that count!

i luv hugs me, they is the best, but then im a very huggy person..
tho i do appreciate that lots of folks arent like that and find it difficult to be that way, i guess we are all unique arent we

my ex's family never used to hug each other at all, then wen i joined the fold i used to hug them all, they used to physically flinch at first, then they got to liking it, and now even tho i aint with the ex anymore, they stil hug me, and best of all, they all hug each other now which is fabulous coz they have told me how much nicer it is that they can be that way with each other now

soz that was a bit long that lot

[piratepete]

me dad got off when i was younger without goin into detail it was a good job he did lol anyway i got back in touch with my dad after ten or so years of not seeing him .now last time i had had a hug off me dad i was a wee nipper so the other year as i was about to drive 300 miles back home i refused to move till me dad gave me a hug after 10 mins or so i got my hug an it felt great huggin me dad lol .

i still hug my mum an gran just not that often. last hug with my gran was when my 13yo dog died (i needed a hug) .my mum gets a hug when i see her an its usualy a long one i only see her max 2 times a year with her living in eire.

my advice is if u want to have a hug just go do it, have a hug you can reclaim it back

[WAFC]

Cam,could you imagine me and John in a touching father/son embrace."Thats justto funny to think about. Me owd mons a good bloke but i couldn't forsee him being the affectionate type.

[Northern Star]

Awww Minxy huns tis jus the ticket eh!.....i dont see me dad by choice so no affection there....but me mam.....is super we give each other big smackaroos on the lips and i love it....and i always snuggle up to me granny on the settee...i love puttin my head on her lap and avin a cuddle....jus like wen i was i kiddywinks.......even me and r kid never part company without giving kisses out.....and we spend a lot of time snuggled on the settee too.....i love to be tactile tis the way forward........!

got lots of hugs to claim next hazy so watch out folks im comin to get ya!

ps.....Minxy babes....thanks fer the tip top hugs and cuddles on sunday bubbaroos was well worth stayin up for!

[northern minx]

Originally Posted by Northern Star

ps.....Minxy babes....thanks fer the tip top hugs and cuddles on sunday bubbaroos was well worth stayin up for!

awww bless ya baby, u looked like u needed a good snuggle
it had got to that time of nite (well day acutally!) wen all ya need is a good pampering
twas a pleasure to hug ya and stroke ya hair, made ya feel all loved didnt it babe...
and was nice and relaxing

aye hugs, snugs and lots of pampering is defo the way to a warm filled up to the brim love heart

[DeeDee]

I too have a pretty messed up family and am pretty estranged from my mum, i reserve hugs for xmas and birthdays also and when it happens we both feel very akward doing it. My dad told me he loved me for the first time that i can ever remember when i was in hospital a few months back when there was a scare over the babys heartbeat, i said it back to him without even thinking, then i couldnt beleive that i had said it to him. My poor mum was stood at the side of me and looked a bit hurt Its sad but i dont give my 16 year old the hugs he needs, i find it really hard to be physical with him (a product of my fooked up childhood im sure) and it must hurt him to see me being really huggy with his 8 year old and baby brother. i keep promising myself i will change this. i cant remember when i stopped the hugs though cause i was really huggy with him when he was young, i wonder if it will go the same way with the other two?
Anyway ill stop rambling on now!!

[RiskyLady]

Did'nt really exchange hugs and kisses with me parents when i was younger but when my dad got ill 6 years ago i started to tell him i loved him alot and when he past away i wished i would have done it more,i now always give my mum a hug and kiss when i see her.

[sirius]

Well, its just not the done thing in our house. Its all very awkward, and only on seriously happy or devastating news do any of hus hug - its a bit alien for us I think.

Amelie, you echo a very similar situation. My mum has kept all the things I did as a child, from coloured in cards saying "I love you mum" etc etc......but it too slipped away in the awkward 'must distance from parents' mode in the time just before early teens, where it was all about freedom and proving you can do things with your friends on your own and all that stuff. Like you, or even more so by having nobody else, my parents and family mean everything to me, but yet we never say it to each other or touch or anything - it would be abnormal now to do it, and feel awkward instigating it. Its just a deep understanding we all have, we all know, but dont feel the need to be so touchy feely and expressive of feelings etc. We are a loving family, but not so comfortable showing it so much I think.

The cat gets its hugs and belly rubs etc though.......lol


Sirius.

[nathan]

Originally Posted by Amelie

I don't know about any of you lot, but i dn't know when it happened exactly, probably around 12 but i stopped being affectionate towards my folks.

Now my sister (older, prettier, the bitch) never has done this, and i am envious. I get mad that she hugs my mum so freely.

I do do it, just keep it for christmas and birthdays, and when i do i don't want to let go as i know its ages off the next one.

The reason i am saying this is that my mum has just phoned me to tell me my Avon has come ( ), and at the end she said 'I love you', and i always feel really crap as i don't say it back.

Its odd as i am really affectionate and tactile with everybody else, just with my family i find it hard, yet i love them most of all.

What do you lot do with your's, did it go too or do you still have it?

This says more about you than you'll ever know. I won't go into too much detail here. But it does back up some theories of mine. I was chatting to pauly the other day about mums and although they embarass us and annoy us. They are the greatest thing we'll ever have (in most cases) imagine if anything happened to your my amelie and you hadn't hugged her or told her you loved her in a while. . . Jesus I worry everyday about life without my mother. I really don't know how i'd cope

[cam]

Originally Posted by WAFC

Cam,could you imagine me and John in a touching father/son embrace."Thats justto funny to think about. Me owd mons a good bloke but i couldn't forsee him being the affectionate type.

LOL you dont even call your Dad Dad you call him John.

You do call your mum mum though dont ya ??

In Answer to your question about the father / son embrace, not a fkin chance !

[blue jammer]

Great thread Amelie

I started a thread on another board titled "How often do you tell your parents you love them?"

Which I've just dug out and will post again here, for 'just out of interest' purposes..

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[sorry, I wish I'd come up with a better subject title for this, but it'll have to do..]

Originally Posted by another user, elsewhere, in the 'Why do Brits have no social skills' thread:

I've also noticed that family members seem unable to end a phone conversation without saying "I love you" at the end. Fair enough saying it to your girlfriend or something, but when they say it to their mum or sister it just makes me cringe. If you don't say it, are they going to think you don't love them anymore??

Which got me thinking.

When was the last time you told your parents you loved them?

I'm not sure about you, but it seems to be accepted that they know we love them, and vice versa, without the need to say it, and signing Birthday/Christmas cards "Happy Birthday/Christmas, love from blue jammer, xxx" is fine.

I'm not sure when this starts to happen, maybe it starts in the teens when you rebel, or when you are at some kind of stage where you don't like your friends to see your parents showing affection toward you, or you showing affection toward them?

A little like the different behavoirs of our friends from accross the big pond, where it's acceptable for them to just hung up the phone without saying "bye" maybe? - you get the idea anyway..

What do you lot think?

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Originally Posted by poster #2, elsewhere, replied with:

well, as far as i can see, the actual act of telling a person you 'love them', in sincere and meaningful fashion depends entirely on wether you are dependant (emotionally or maybe financially, in a cynical way but unrelated from the first) on that person, eg, wife, child, parent. i mean i think nothing of telling my children i love them, anytime, because i really do, y'know, no questions asked, but thats different i suppose.........

i mean we all love our mates and out parents, but its a different kind of love. a different kind of friendship i suppose. i mean it is all friendships at the end of the day, just varying intensities.

& I answered with:

Yeah that's a good point, in a way I suppose it doesn't seem as necessary, as you say it's a different kind of love.

Similarly, how would you think a relationship would survive without either partner actually saying the words "I love you" ? I know this happens a lot too, as you often hear of one half of a couple complaining "ahhh he/she never tells me he/she loves me enough..."

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Originally Posted by poster #3, elsewhere replied with:

I'd never told my parents I loved them, largely because I was shy of the response. We're quite close, but we'd never actually put it into words. I think I was scared of embarrassing the hell out of them. Then, a few years ago, I was on the phone to my mum, and she said it to me. She said a friend had been reading a book in which it's advised to tell your children you love them at least once a day. The friend in question had started telling her daughter, and the daughter's smiling response was 'piss off' (in a joking kind of way). As a result of this, every phone call between me and my mum ends with 'love you!' ... 'love you too' ... and then, in unison, 'piss off!'. Sickening, isn't it? My dad, on the other hand, is largely undemonstrative. I've said it to him once or twice, but he seems to feel unsure of how to respond. Bless.

I laughed and replied with:

Heh! I like that, but I now have this vision of someone saying "Hi mum, love you... PISS OFF" and hanging up!

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Just thought I'd add those in there...

[NuckinFuts]

I cant remember the last time I told my parents I loved them and I cant remember the last time they said they loved me.
People know deep down that they are loved and sometimes it doesn't need to be said. Hearing it puts a smile on your face though!

[nathan]

I've felt so rough after a big weekend that I've thought I was dying. and I've texted my mum to tell her I love her and don't know what I'd without her. With my dad.I don't think we've actually said it face to face but we know it anyway.

ps:- watching gumball 3000 it is awesome