Toilet roll

[sweet sensation]

ive just had a fight with my toilet roll uypstatirs

does anyone else undersatnd my plight, toilet roll when its virginal is a right tight bugger, when you need apiece and its just not hainvg it, what do you do

do you wrestle or do you think arrrgh fuck this i'll use my hand instead?

I fought and fought and eventuaslly wrestled with the buggefr, but now i wished id used my hand, you cant go wrong with your ever faithful hand can you...

so anywasy, do you go hand or do you go virgin?

[sirius]

Youve gotta use bog roll to wipe the klinkers from your arse, you gotta be trained in the art of bog roll wrestling otherwise you end up ripping into about 1/4 of the roll to try and get it "Started" lol.


You also have to put some down first, or is that just me?


Sirius.

[sweet sensation]

now im normalyy a dab hand at th3 virgin roll, but after a few bevvies i find it hard getting it up, so i have to wrestle with the buggetr before its gets all moist and ready for action

i gave it a bit of a frim hand and it seemed to like it, so i caarried on and it wqs fine, i got the amount i needed and my doings were done, but all of a sudden its left me wnting more, what do i do? i quite enjoyed my wrestling antics, but it seems like hadr dpwork, so come on fellads im struggiling do i go for more (just not quite a virgin) anymore or do i go wirh the ol faithful?

[blue jammer]

Originally Posted by sweet sensation

ive just had a fight with my toilet roll uypstatirs

I couldn't read past that line for laughing so much heh.

I can just imagine you in the bog with massive toilet roll, wrestling with it, heh a life size bog roll, and you pushing at it at screaming "gerrofff me" or sommat

errr I should point out I have a weird and vivid imagination

[sweet sensation]

Originally Posted by blue jammer

I couldn't read past that line for laughing so much heh.

I can just imagine you in the bog with massive toilet roll, wrestling with it, heh a life size bog roll, and you pushing at it at screaming "gerrofff me" or sommat

errr I should point out I have a weird and vivid imagination

a life size bog roll, what aan amazing invention, no more struggling with handy size pieces, just get naked and rub yourself all ove one, couldnt have thought of something better myslef\

[sirius]

I thought you women did that anyway? You tend to use enough! lol.


Wrap it around your hand about twenty times etc hahah.

[Bubbles]

Originally Posted by sirius

I thought you women did that anyway? You tend to use enough! lol.


Wrap it around your hand about twenty times etc hahah.

I think this is the other way around my lee uses loads and loads im always shouting at him for useing too much even when he blows his nose half a toilet rool has gone this was one ov his first habbits when we moved in together

[Biskit]

I dont use bog roll or mi hand. I came up with the genius idea of filling the bath up with boiling hot water n dippin mi ass in it, givin it a wiggle till mi bum cheeks tingle, n then i check in the mirror to see if mi butt cheeks have gone red with the heat, if they have then i know Ive dipped mi bum long enough, n all the slutch has washed off mi butt crack!!

[doolz]

Originally Posted by sirius

You also have to put some down first, or is that just me?


Sirius.

are you talking about splashback minimization with an optimal layer of said tissue product on the surface of the water

also good for reducing plop noises when ya at wrk or in a public toilet cubicle



il get me coat

[sirius]

Originally Posted by doolz

are you talking about splashback minimization with an optimal layer of said tissue product on the surface of the water

also good for reducing plop noises when ya at wrk or in a public toilet cubicle



il get me coat

Yes indeedy, thats what Im on about. Those are the unwritten tricks of the trade, lol.

[blue jammer]

Heh, I thought you were doing a Finch (American Pie) and putting down paper all round the seat

Was gonna say, that's a bit much at home innit? where it's the best/safest place to poo

[sirius]

Nah, Thats just for work/public appearances really . Oh, and I ALWAYS have to use a big wad of toilet paper wiping the seat in public bogs cos they are usually mingin' unless youre somewhere upmarket.


Sirius.

[STEADMANSCOTT]

lol agree im like shitbreak out of american pie wen i use publice toilets

[piratepete]

hahahah bog roll fights lol why do bog rolls get aggressive when you have had a drink . they wait till you are drunk to start on you with there unwillingness to let go or they throw tons of roll at you like a mass of flat spagetti . toilet roll i think has a memory of being a tree an its gutted about being cut down for wiping our bums ,it waits tilll it can get its own back,

[sweet sensation]

Originally Posted by blue jammer

Heh, I thought you were doing a Finch (American Pie) and putting down paper all round the seat

Was gonna say, that's a bit much at home innit? where it's the best/safest place to poo

Lol thats what I thought he meant too lol I only ever try to poo at home, youre right it is safer

Originally Posted by sirius

Oh, and I ALWAYS have to use a big wad of toilet paper wiping the seat in public bogs cos they are usually mingin' unless youre somewhere upmarket.

Me too, and if theres no toilet roll, then you just hover great for the leg muscles !