Following on from the poem I sent to the training team

[cam]

After writing that poem and sending it to the training team, it got back to my Team Leader the other day, who thought it be a good idea that I write something about our team and its members and the clients we support.

I have to write somthing about each analyst and my team leader this will then be published on the company intranet

I was driving in this morning wetting myself at some of the stuff im going to put up i mean propper laughing at them !!!!

Watch this space ill put up what I write

[cam]

Here it is

The Desk by Cameron Greenlees

Cap Gemini Ernst Young is a multi national organisation that employs about 50,000’s employees. 8000 of these are employed in the UK. In Inverness the service centre employ’s approximately 250. I’ve been extremely impressed with CGEY’s recruitment process. In essence, what CGEY have done here is interview the majority of the Highlands and Islands and surrounding areas to identify the best candidates and basically throw them away. What was left was then renamed, The Inverness Service Centre.

I would just like to give you some background to our Team, the Analysts that work on the team and the clients we support.

The Team \ Reprobates

Upon assignment to our team you will be introduced to every one by Michael Hannah the Team Leader who will introduce us as “The Reprobates” here’s a little information about us.

Mike – Team Leader \ Chief Reprobate

The phrase Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde spring’s to mind, what we have here is mutton dressed as lamb. By day Mike is a respectable Team Leader a figure of authority and a wealth of knowledge about the clients on his desk. By night this guys is a party animal. Mike could put Stella Artois out of business by drinking them out of products to sell! There are rumours in Inverness that all the clubs \ pubs are getting together to pilot an electrical tagging system this will be purely for Mike and will warn them of his presence giving them the option to appear closed whilst on his quest for beer!

Scott – Analyst \ Reprobate

Scott is the most technical analyst on this desk. Scott prides himself on his geekyness, Scott will test his geekeness on quizzes on the internet scoring well in the top 90’s out of 100 however coming in at 6ft 2 and 16 \ 17 stone this is one geek you don’t want on a dial up modem in the office!!!!
All be it that Scott is a very clever individual his Mathematics is appalling, I wonder how many of us would get the answer wrong to the following multi-choice question?

1 Nightclub + 5 Bouncers + 1 Scott = a scuffle.

Or

1 Night club + 5 Bouncers + 1 Scott = Run like the wind

Stewart – Analyst \ Reprobate

Well what can I say about Stewart a.k.a the Human Dart, Stewart our Mohawk little friend. Stewart is amazing; he has the same ability as Optimus Prime from the Transformers. During the week Stewart is a human dart, on Fridays he miraculously transforms into a cactus. Stewart is one guy you don’t want to bump into down a dark ally on a night out, you would literally be hospitalised! Not that he is violent or anything don’t get me wrong, but there that many spikes sticking out of his person that small birds use him as a hide away from larger predators.

John – Analyst \ Reprobate

John is the would be womaniser of the crew, Johns ability to whoo women are second to none. I’ve picked up on a few of his phrases which I have kept in my little black book and I’ll share the following 2 with you: -

Phrase 1 “ Hi Karen”
Phrase 2 “OO Karen you look smart”

As you can tell, no mans wife is safe when the genius is about!

Ross Fraser – Analyst \ Reprobate

Ross is new to the team and I have yet to find out what qualities he has, it hasn’t been hard to spot which qualities he doesn’t have however searching for one may prove a hell of a lot more difficult!

Campbell – Analyst \ Reprobate

Again Campbell is new to the team and as with Ross it’s difficult to write about someone who you have only known for a couple of weeks so for that reason I’m not going to write anything and he has had a lucky escape, however watch this space as I’m sure over the coming weeks Campbell will show his true colours!!!!!


Gregor – Analyst \ Reprobate trainee

Gregor is the latest edition to the Team, after only a few days on the team he is the person who I have the least to write about. I do know however Gregor used to work in H & M this is a clothes shop for women, now although you might think mmmmmm is he a bit????? You’d be far from the truth; the fact of the matter is this guy might give John McKenzie a run for his money!!! Only time will tell!

[The Joker]

errrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmm haven't u missed out the biggest reprobate of em all?? URSELF????????

[cam]

Originally Posted by The Joker

errrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmm haven't u missed out the biggest reprobate of em all?? URSELF????????

I cant be lowering team moral hun, they know how good I am, its not fair to rub there noses in it

[JohnnyPink]

Thought it'd be unfair to leave ya out bud. Here ya go.


Cam – Chief Time Waster

What can be said about Cam. Well, modesty is possibly the first thing that’ll hit you, that being if his head doesn’t hit you first it’s that big. Whilst you have to admire his desire for wooing all the girls on the internet you have to think 'is he actually straight.' From his looks and personality I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy has seen more pricks than a second hand dartboard.

It’s also been said that he’s only a nipple short of being a complete tit but I guess this is a little harsh. All in all though he’s generally a nice kind of guy, but I don’t think you’d trust him with your sister.

J/K as always bud.

[cam]

Originally Posted by jonnykip

Thought it'd be unfair to leave ya out bud. Here ya go.


Cam – Chief Time Waster

What can be said about Cam. Well, modesty is possibly the first thing that’ll hit you, that being if his head doesn’t hit you first it’s that big. Whilst you have to admire his desire for wooing all the girls on the internet you have to think 'is he actually straight.' From his looks and personality I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy has seen more pricks than a second hand dartboard.

It’s also been said that he’s only a nipple short of being a complete tit but I guess this is a little harsh. All in all though he’s generally a nice kind of guy, but I don’t think you’d trust him with your sister.

J/K as always bud.

Quality mate fucking quality !

[JohnnyPink]

Originally Posted by cam

Quality mate fucking quality !

You gonna use it in the speech thing then?????

[The Joker]

Originally Posted by jonnykip

Thought it'd be unfair to leave ya out bud. Here ya go.


Cam – Chief Time Waster

What can be said about Cam. Well, modesty is possibly the first thing that’ll hit you, that being if his head doesn’t hit you first it’s that big. Whilst you have to admire his desire for wooing all the girls on the internet you have to think 'is he actually straight.' From his looks and personality I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy has seen more pricks than a second hand dartboard.

It’s also been said that he’s only a nipple short of being a complete tit but I guess this is a little harsh. All in all though he’s generally a nice kind of guy, but I don’t think you’d trust him with your sister.

J/K as always bud.

[Saysay]

Originally Posted by jonnykip

Thought it'd be unfair to leave ya out bud. Here ya go.


Cam – Chief Time Waster

What can be said about Cam. Well, modesty is possibly the first thing that’ll hit you, that being if his head doesn’t hit you first it’s that big. Whilst you have to admire his desire for wooing all the girls on the internet you have to think 'is he actually straight.' From his looks and personality I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy has seen more pricks than a second hand dartboard.

It’s also been said that he’s only a nipple short of being a complete tit but I guess this is a little harsh. All in all though he’s generally a nice kind of guy, but I don’t think you’d trust him with your sister.

J/K as always bud.

I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy has seen more pricks than a second hand dartboard

Love it!

[cam]

Originally Posted by jonnykip

You gonna use it in the speech thing then?????

if it was up to me mate theres no too ways about it, that would go in !!!!!

Ive had to tone down my version as it is

[The Joker]

Originally Posted by cam

if it was up to me mate theres no too ways about it, that would go in !!!!!

Ive had to tone down my version as it is

so u gonna put it up then???

[cam]

Originally Posted by The Joker

so u gonna put it up then???

shhhhhhhhhhhh I thought we agreed, our cyber chats are in PM hun anything else on the board