My Disaster Date With The Bird From The Off Licience

[GreaseBallPaul]

Well my local off licence is just 100 meters from where i live.
Being so close I am allways in there and I got chatting to Andrea the women behind the counter.
After closer inspection, socialization we found that we shared the same taste
In movies and anchient Bonzai cultivation.

While the conversation was in progress I happened to notice she had one of tidiest racks I have ever encountered. Putting this to the back of my mind I proceeded to invite this fine specimen on a date. Which for me was out of the ordinary, as I am usually quite shy.

To my further shock and and amazement she actually said yes.............

Well I thought to myself, looks like I'm on for a bit here. The day was last Sunday night by the way. I was just in there purchasing my usual two cans of tetleys bitter.
We agreed that I would pick her up in my morris miner, after work, and I said that I would suprise her with the location of the date.

After some serious delegation and contemplation I decided to take her cinemaplex To see the new Lord Of The Rings Film. Then after I said, if she was lucky I'd treat her to a pizza. Yes!!!!!!
I was feeling generous after all I would be soon inside this girls knickers.

Anyway half way through the film Andrea asked for a light for her cigarette being a smoker myself I allways have one handy.

It was one of those cheapo 5 for £1 lighters off the market. Feeling like a real smooth cool customer I flicked the lighter and pressed the gas.
At this point the flame ignited like the flames of hell itself!!!!!!
It was more like a rocket booster, From a NASA Space shuttle. Totally missing the cigarette and igniting Andrea's fringe and hair.

Turns out she had some SilverKrin flammable hair spray on her hair.
At this point a cinema attendant came rushing at us with a fire extinguisher in hand and with three blasts extinguished the blaze that had subsequently taken hold of her entire head.

At this moment she rushed out of the Cinema and flagged down a Asian Taxi driver. Who incidentally had a moustache that looked like a furry catepillar.

I haven't seen her since.

[northern minx]

sorry but i cudnt help but laugh at this!
funny as!
can just picture this girl with synged hair running for a taxi!

better luck next time eh!

[sirius]

Hey look on the brightside.......1) the minor wasnt a put off, 2) The art of bonsai wasnt all that wasted when she got home and trimmed her hair artisticly and 3) That LOTR film is far too long anyway, lol.

Id give 10 out of ten for effort m8, its just a shame you'll have to drive 3 or four miles to "crazy zacks wine shack" to save embarasment when you wanna can or too! lol.


Hey, you got on a date......more than I seem to manage .


Get her a prezzy, you never know......lol.



Also, atleast it was dark and the whole building wasnt evacuated! lol.

Cheerio

Sirius.

Ps, its her fault for being highly flammable!!!!!

[Bubbles]

i didnt know u could smoke in the pic's

[sgt.lead]

My Disaster Date With The Bird From The Off Licience
lol...lol sorry for laughing but thats very funny you paint a good picture.Good effort

[northern minx]

aye a bonsai will soon make it up to her eh!

[northern minx]

just remembered a really bad date i went on wen i was bout 18 or somat

this bloke took me out to a posh restaurant (italian- me favourite) but the daft git ordered spag bol, and i had to sit and watch him catch it all on his chin



so it was a case of

[fugjostle]

Lmao !!!! quality mate !!!

[markic]

Originally Posted by northern minx

just remembered a really bad date i went on wen i was bout 18 or somat

this bloke took me out to a posh restaurant (italian- me favourite) but the daft git ordered spag bol, and i had to sit and watch him catch it all on his chin



so it was a case of

It is supposed to be slurpped and messy, in Italy the take offence if you don't eat it like that!!!!!

[northern minx]

Originally Posted by markic

It is supposed to be slurpped and messy, in Italy the take offence if you don't eat it like that!!!!!

lol

trust me on this one yeah, it didnt look good at all! put me rite off me dinner it did..

[markic]

Originally Posted by northern minx

lol

trust me on this one yeah, it didnt look good at all! put me rite off me dinner it did..

and him by the sounds of it

[NuckinFuts]

Oh dear Oh dear!!

So, the date went well then!...(extreme sarcasm!).
Well, it could have been worse hun. It could have been your hair that ignited!. Or maybe that wouldn't have been quite so embarasing.

Oh well........She'll get over it.

[northern minx]

Originally Posted by markic

and him by the sounds of it

absolutely!
nowt worse than terrible table manners, me grandma always used to say that!

[cam]

quality mate, I had a bet with my mate that I could shag both the birds who worked in the offy accross the road from me and this would be complete within 6 months, he betted that he would do this as well within 6 months.

So the bets on.

Following week we both go the offy and chat up these 2 birds, in there date set him with 1 me with the other. So we go the pub with them we all get drunk go back to mine. I go upstairs with mine and chris stays on the couch. I score chris doesnt. So during that week me and chris are chatting and it turns out she thought all chris wanted was a shag and she wasnt being used, this is what she had said to him, anyway cause this bird was pissed off with chris it took about 2/3 or 4 months before I managed to get them to come round and come out with us. However this time I was with bird 2 and chris was with my conquest. So we go out we get pissed and back to mine. Chris takes my X upstairs and I just sat on the couch with Katheryn, anyway knowing what Katheryn was like I didnt try anything on her using a bit of reverse phycology and all that shit it wasnt long before she wanted it but I didnt lmfao she ended up dragging me upstairs to screw her

what was even funnier was I dated kathryn for a few more months and I ended up telling her about the bet, she said and I quote

" Ha you got X ( honestly cant remember her name, how bads that ! ) on the first date but you didnt get me, March, April, May ( shes counting on her fingers here ) june. "

She looked at me and said

" you bastard you did "

lol