View Full Version : 9 top sex jokes

10th May 2002, 03:50 PM
> # 9
> A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he
> to go to
> the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he
> does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he
> says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll
> forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your
> elbow, I'm in room 1221."
> >**********************************************
> # 8
> A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?"
> the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded
> the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my
> first blowjob." "Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the
> house." "No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the
> taste, nothing will."
> **********************************************
> #7
> A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an
> absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she
> is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about
> it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual
> statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest
> average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter.
> "By the way, my name is Kim. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto
> Kawalski, nice to meet you."
> **********************************************
> # 6
> One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife
> the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says:
> "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I
> want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to
> sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife
> again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist
> appointment tomorrow too?"
> **********************************************
> # 5
> Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number
> years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a
> terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the
> pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist
> to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He
> vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.. One day a few
> weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once
> that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
> "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put
> my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes,
> I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired."
> "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
> "Oh...she got fired too."
> **********************************************
> # 4
> A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for
> several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast
> instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh.
> The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign
> and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is
> any reaction.The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this
> brings a moan. From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go
> in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal
> act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes
> in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells
> the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to
> which the man replies: "She choked."
> **********************************************
> # 3
> A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the
> alligator
> up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll ake you a
> deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside.
> Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open
> his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for
> witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd
> murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped
> his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth.
> The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute,
> the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top
> of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his
> genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of
> his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made
> another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try".
> A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the
> back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to
> promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".
> **********************************************
> # 2
> A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge
> black dude standing next to him. The big black dude looks down upon the
> small white guy and says: 7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3
> pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown" The small white
> guy faints!! The big black dude picks up the small white guy and
> brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small
> white guy. "What's wrong?". The small white guy says; "Excuse
> me but what did you say?" The big black dude looks down and
> says 7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound
> right ball, my name is Turner Brown." The small white guy says,
> "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn around.'"
> **********************************************
> # 1
> There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting
> at
> the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife,
> "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah,"
> she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this
> breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were
> probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well,"
> Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Where upon
> the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You
> know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are
> as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be
> surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is
> in your oatmeal!!!!


The Joker
12th May 2002, 10:47 PM
Noice 1s m8 :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: