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Shooms
14th August 2004, 08:38 PM
1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,
> > >> Thyroid problem?
> > >>
> > >> 2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I
> > >> realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and
asked
> > >> him to forgive me.
> > >>
> > >> 3) My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice.
> > >> For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.
> > >>
> > >> 4) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to
> > >> go swimming.
> > >>
> > >> 5) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't
> > >> get on with my real ladder.
> > >>
> > >> 6) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I
> > >> ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
> > >>
> > >> 7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names.
> > >> But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may
> > >> break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked!
> > >> From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
> > >>
> > >> My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is
probably
> > >> why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
> > >>
> > >> 9) Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don't have a good partner,
> > >> you'd better have a good hand.
> > >>
> > >> 10) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My
neighbour
> > >> said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.'
> > >>
> > >> 11) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out
> > >> of meat?
> > >>
> > >> 12) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous
> > >> and give the wrong answers.
> > >>
> > >> 13) You know that look women get when they want sex?
> > >> Me neither.
> > >>
> > >> Peter Kay's
> > >> questions...
> > >>
> > >> 1. Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
> > >>
> > >> 2. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down
to
> > >> the core of the earth?
> > >>
> > >> 3. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
> > >>
> > >> 4. Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your arse?
> > >>
> > >> 5. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do
> > >> is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?
> > >>
> > >> 7. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
> > >>
> > >> 8. Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for
> > >> centuries' have a 'use by' date?
> > >>
> > >> 9. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
> > >> horrible crisp no one would eat?
> > >>
> > >> 10. Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
> > >>
> > >> 11. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll
> > >> squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?
> > >>
> > >> 12. What do people in China call their good plates?
> > >>
> > >> 13. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
> > >> don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
> > >>
> > >> 14. What do you call male ballerinas?
> > >>
> > >> 15. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
> > >>
> > >> 16. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
> > >>
> > >> 17. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
> > >> vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
> > >>
> > >> 18. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a
> > >> billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you
> > >> there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
> > >>
> > >> 19. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

> > >>
> > >> 20. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets
> > >> mad at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head
out
> > >> of the window?

dj_jam
14th August 2004, 09:23 PM
a good little chuckle (some where big chuckles actually) at this time of night!

lol! tops! :thumbsup:

cam
16th August 2004, 07:27 AM
lol some mint ones in there :)