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grad
22nd July 2004, 01:02 PM
these make me piss, maybe it's just me...

non jokes;


Q.How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A.One.


Man: Doctor, Doctor, I've broken my leg.
Doctor: I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk again.

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.


(for cam)
Q. Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
A. Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.


Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.

Shooms
22nd July 2004, 01:07 PM
Man: Doctor, Doctor, I've broken my leg.
Doctor: I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk again.

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.

Loving those two :D :D

grad
22nd July 2004, 01:19 PM
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

Why did little Billy fall off the swing?
He had no arms.

How does a guy with no arms and legs have sex?
With his penis.

Johnny comes back from school crying and says, "Mommy all the kids in the school say I have a big head."
His mother replies, "No you don't Johnny. You have a hideously deformed head. The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect your feelings."

What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"

This guy walks into a doctors office and his head is big and orange. The doctor says "Good god man, you've got a big orange head! How did this happen?" Guy starts to tell his story.
Well doctor, the other day I was walking along the beach when I notice a piece of metal sticking out of the sand. I picked it up and it was a lamp. I brushed off the sand and *poof* out pops a genie who says he will grant me three wishes. I say genie for my first wish I want a bank account with 10 billion dollars. Genie says *poof* and hands the me a card with a account number and routing number to a bank account with 10 billion dollars. So then I said genie for my second wish I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world and I want her to be madly in love with me. All of a sudden *poof* I'm standing next to the most beautiful woman in the world, and in her hand she has a marriage certificate.
At this point in the story the guy turns to the doctor and says "Doctor, I think this is the point where I went wrong. I turned to the genie and said 'Genie for my third wish I want a big orange head!'"

how do you kill two birds with one stone?
pick it up and throw it again

and the classic;

what's brown and sticky?
a stick.

'Shabba'
22nd July 2004, 03:22 PM
What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?" .

Thats hilarious..................that's now taken over as my favorite joke ever!!!!!!!!!

Well impressed.

grad
22nd July 2004, 03:35 PM
Thats hilarious..................that's now taken over as my favorite joke ever!!!!!!!!!

Well impressed.


that's my fave as well, funny, though you might appreciate these. don't know why.

grad
22nd July 2004, 03:51 PM
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the batmobile?

Robin, get in the batmobile.

dj_jam
22nd July 2004, 03:56 PM
these are actually more funniererer than normal jokes!!!

in stitches!!!!

whats brown and sticky - a stick

and the tractor one, ill be remembering these for the pub!!

:thumbsup:

jenwah
22nd July 2004, 05:53 PM
What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"

likewise that has to be the best one!!!! LOL

i was givin bits of ice cream lolly away the other day at work and was readin all of the jokes on the sticks, and the sticky one was on that! :D LOL :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

cam
22nd July 2004, 05:59 PM
:rofl:

Quality, I knew there was a reason why there were no paracetamol in the jungle though lol

sweet sensation
24th July 2004, 02:05 PM
:rofl: ha ha some of those were well funny !! Liked these the best...


What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?
Wheres my tractor?


How does a guy with no arms and legs have sex?
With his penis


Why did little Billy fall off the swing?
He had no arms.



how do you kill two birds with one stone?
pick it up and throw it again


Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem

dj_jam
24th July 2004, 05:08 PM
is there a site for these???

Super Freak
26th July 2004, 08:46 PM
he he -- pmsl,

What have a duck and a bannana got in comman?
Niether can dirve a car.

what did one cow say to the other ?
moo.

A man walks into a bar and says .. ouch
A woman walks into a bar and she says .. ouch.. fuck i've just seen him do that.

A woman walks in to a bar and the landlord says.. sholudn't u be an Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman... She says... Well that what happens when ya try to break into a male dominated joke format.
:D :thumbsup:

grad
26th July 2004, 08:58 PM
an englishman, irishman and scotsman walk into a bar.
bartender asks then "what'll it be guys?"
the englishman says " 3 pints please"

Super Freak
26th July 2004, 09:44 PM
Fella come runing out off liverpool docks jumps the barria an legs it down the road, so the copper on the gate chases after him. chases him for miles before the fella give up and he catches him, copper right right what av ja nicked sonshine? fell say nowt i was gonna rob it tomorow whated to see if ya could catch me first!

soz not a none joke but herd that today LMFAO