American but you'll get the gist. Some funny

[spiely]

THINK ABOUT IT!!!!
>
> Ever wonder about those people who spend £2.00 apiece on those little
> bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
>
> Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
> section in a swimming pool?
>
> OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa
Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans ?
>
> If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea...does that mean that one
> enjoys it?
>
> There are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the
> Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the
> Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor
> store or at Hooters
>
>
> 1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does
> he become disoriented?
>
> 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland
> called Holes?
>
> 3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
>
> 4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
>
> 5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
>
> 6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
>
> 7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?
>
> 8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
>
> 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
>
> 10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
>
> 11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
> drives a race car not called a racist?
>
> 12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
>
> 13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
>
> 14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
>
> 15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
> Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
>
> 16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
> that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
>
> 17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
>
> 18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
>
> 19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
>
> 20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
> more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they're cramming for their
> final exam.
>
> 21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
> and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
>
> 22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are
> we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
>
> 23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
> the others here for?
>
> 24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
>
> 25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
>
> 26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

[The Joker]

sum top thoughts there