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View Full Version : Quotes from Tommy Cooper



fugjostle
26th June 2003, 02:25 PM
They may have been posted before but hell, they made me laff :)

"Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library
and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

"He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser
legs and put it in a library.' I thought "That's a turn-up for the
books."

"And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this is my livelihood.'

"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
"Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's
your oyster, go for it.'"

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving
today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking
Fine.' So that was nice."

So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He
said "My dog's died.'"

"Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one
I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And
the dentist said to me 'Mr Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'"

"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'"

"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local
swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling
from.'"

"Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin."

Stevie
26th June 2003, 05:52 PM
Not like that just like that.:joker:

DeeDee
26th June 2003, 05:58 PM
"And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this is my livelihood.'

hehe class
:D