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stetheboro
30th November 2010, 08:02 AM
I was having sex the other day, banging away, when suddenly I stopped mid-thrust and stood really still.

She asked "What are you doing?"

"Something I learnt from online porn. It's called 'buffering'."

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I got a job recently working for my girlfriend's dad.

One morning he said to me: "Fucking hell, lad. Your breath stinks. What were you eating last night?"

It gave me immense pleasure telling him;"Your daughter's c***."

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I am naive, the lads in the pub were saying how good a blowjob is.
I didn't know what a blowjob was so I just agreed so as not to look daft. Later on at home I asked the girl I was seeing if she knew.
'Do you know what a blowjob is?'
She got up and walked out of the room, which was upsetting as she was sucking my dick at the time.

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A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"

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My wife said that my penis closely resembles a Tic Tac.
She was proud of her remark - until I asked her why her sister still had bad breath.

martin
30th November 2010, 05:46 PM
My M8 Said "martin, Ur Turning Into A Fat Bastard" I Replyed "thats Coz Everytime I Hump Ur Wife She Gives Me A Jaffa Cake"..