View Full Version : Bit ov Blue, Bit of Blue

30th November 2010, 08:02 AM
I was having sex the other day, banging away, when suddenly I stopped mid-thrust and stood really still.

She asked "What are you doing?"

"Something I learnt from online porn. It's called 'buffering'."


I got a job recently working for my girlfriend's dad.

One morning he said to me: "Fucking hell, lad. Your breath stinks. What were you eating last night?"

It gave me immense pleasure telling him;"Your daughter's c***."


I am naive, the lads in the pub were saying how good a blowjob is.
I didn't know what a blowjob was so I just agreed so as not to look daft. Later on at home I asked the girl I was seeing if she knew.
'Do you know what a blowjob is?'
She got up and walked out of the room, which was upsetting as she was sucking my dick at the time.


A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"


My wife said that my penis closely resembles a Tic Tac.
She was proud of her remark - until I asked her why her sister still had bad breath.

30th November 2010, 05:46 PM
My M8 Said "martin, Ur Turning Into A Fat Bastard" I Replyed "thats Coz Everytime I Hump Ur Wife She Gives Me A Jaffa Cake"..