[Crystal]

Every "Hormone Hostage" knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands.
This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's
license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend or significant other.

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.

TOP 14 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR

Pass My Shotgun

Psychotic Mood Shift

Perpetual Munching Spree

Puffy Midsection

People Make Me Sick

Provide Me with Sweets

Pardon My Sobbing

Pimples May Surface

Pass My Sweatpants

Pissy Mood Syndrome

Plainly; Men Suck

Pack My Stuff

Permanent Menstrual Syndrome

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY? Because no one
else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs
despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD
for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!
AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID
@*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY? BECAUSE NO-ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12' DEEP
THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! - IT WOULD
TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS #@*$!#@!... HOUSE!

I'm sorry...what did you ask me?