1. You've never been outside the town you live in.
2. You let your 15 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table, in front of her children.
3. You've been married three times yet still have the same in-laws.
4. You think that a woman is "out of your league" because she asks for a glass with her "Tennants Super"
5. The phrase "Thunderbirds are go!" reminds you that the off-licenses are open.
6. You wish your toilet at home could be as clean as the one at the bus station.
7. Anyone in your family has died right after saying "Hey, watch this!"
8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
9. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.
10. Your local school has a students' créche.
11. One or more of your kids was born on a pub pool table.
12. One or more of your kids was conceived on a pub pool table.
13. Your back door coal bunker is ideal for the Rottweiler to raise its pups.
14. The trade-in value of your car goes up and down depending on how much fuel is in the tank.
15. You don't have to leave the house to put rubbish in the Wheelie bin.
16. You once lit a match in the bathroom and the windows blew out.
17. You only need one more stamp on your card to get a freebie at "Tam's Tattoos".
18. You can't get married to your childhood sweetheart because of the current bestiality laws.
19. You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
20. Your toilet paper has page numbers.
21. The soundtrack on your wedding video ends with the loudhailer message: "THIS IS THE POLICE..........."
