Originally Posted by Ed  I've got a lot of female friends (not cos I'm a gayer Shooms) and a lot of male ones as well. I actually, in the midst of conversation or discussion, forget completely the sex of who I'm talking to, it doesn't realy matter. I read somewhere that you make friends with people you aspire to be like, or perhaps another view is that your friends are exactly like you are, but sometimes you can't see that yourself, sometimes for years, and then yu realise, 'God' I'm like that!'. This can be in the positive or the negative lol.
As for blokes 'wanting more' although a generalisation, there's probably a lot of truth in this. I think when you are very attracted to someone, either physically or as a whole person, its hard not to think that way, at least in the first instance. If the guy is mature though, and perhaps more importantly the female is frank, honest and does not seek to manipulate out of being flattered by the attention in any way, then a good honest friendship can form easily. Again this depends on the maturity of the woman in question.
I remember seeing an interview with Dustin Hoffman reasonably recently where he said he only realised late in life that he'd pretty much ignored every woman he'd been introduced to that he didn't feel physically/sexually attracted to. He said when he realised this, he literally burst into tears, not just out of embarrassment at his own shallowness, but out of all the missed opportunities to form meaningful friendships/relationships with amazing, interesting, inspiring women.
As a man out of his 20's and over the wild uncontrollable 'mojo' phase of my life (its still there and ready for action, its just the jedi training has kicked in and I am more aware of its power now!) I can totally relate to that. Of course when you meet someone you feel wildly attracted to physically, the 'Need to fuck' instinct kicks in, its in all of us. I'm pretty sure its in most women as well, just not as pronounced as in men.
Because I have a lot of female friends, someone who is insecure is not the girl for Ed. It just wouldn't work. I would never, ever make a girlfriend feel second best to one of my friends, the relationship as a lover is different. But I'm not going to not show a female friend affection and love. This fits in with the controlling thread. An insecure person will project those insecurities onto an innocent friendship.
Again though, I've been in a situation where a girl I was seeing did not care about making me feel second best to others that caught her eye. If I'd been less insecure at the time I'd have told her it wasn't acceptable and walked away. As it was I tolerated it and I suffered as a result. This isn't trying to control, its just knowing what is acceptable to you, and sticking to it. Take nothing less, because you get what you deserve.
Was supposed to be a short reply, its a mini essay lol. I'll come back to this no doubt, that's just off the top of my head. |