[dodgymix]

As you are probably aware, last week, a serious tornado hit parts of
southern Birmingham,


News of the disaster was swiftly carried to the civilised world by
pay-as-you go SMS messages. Victims were seen wandering around
aimlessly muttering 'blooooodyell' and 'yourite?'. The tornado
decimated the area causing several pounds worth of damage. Several
priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish
Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Several historic Ford Sierras and
Nissan Bluebirds were blown of there brick plinths. A large number of 3
series BMW's had there alloy wheels damaged and a quantity of Renault
Clio's had there tinted windows blown out. Many locals were woken well
before their giro arrived.

One resident, Sharon Knowles, a 15yr old single mother of seven said:
"It was such a shock, my little Beyonce came running into my bedroom
crying. My youngest two, Azif and Delbert slept through it all. I was
still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning".

Another resident, Community worker Royston Akimose, 38, said: "I was
'avin' a meetin' wiv a business associate, the sky went dark, an, de
next fing I know, me ganj is blown all over 'is Impreza!"

Apparently though, looting and car crime did carry on as normal. The
British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of sunny
delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are
still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of
personal belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from
Elizabeth Duke at Argos and bone china from Pound Stretcher.

How Can You Help?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most
sought after, items needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his & hers)
Von Dutch t-Shirts
White sports socks
Rockport boots
Any large gold plated accessories

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice
cream, and bottles of Smirnoff Ice. 22p buys a biro for filling in the
compensation forms, £2.00 buys fish, chips & blue fizzy drinks for a
family of 9, and £5.00 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to
calm the nerves of those affected. Please do not send tents for
shelter, as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population in
neighbouring areas.